Hard times

[cat03]

Two weeks ago after 15 weeks of intense counseling, I discovered that he never stopped seeing the OW! Ever! For two and a half years. I was incredibly upset, to say the least. He put so much on me to fix over the summer in counseling and he was with her the whole time. Then I found horrid emails that I wish I could carve from my memory that chronicled their entire relationship. She has been pushing divorce for over a year,.

Hi there, first of all big hugs))))))) I had to do a double take as I read your post, it was my life all over again back in Dec 07-Feb08. S-a-m-e thing happened to me, with full color picts on his email as well, and then ow fully convinced he was getting a D...all the while we'd go to C every week...
Hon, everything has its limit and you've reached yours much like I reached mine and told him, as my heart broke, to leave if he kept seeing her. Enough is enough, the man is a pathological liar and has no shame, and the ow/A has his brain fried. Yes, there is a good chance their R will go south once it's not a forbidden fruit (at the time, ex' and ow's R also went bad after he moved in with her and the reality of life set in)...then again, it might not. You care because you have feelings for him and fought hard to keep your M, no shame in that.

Thank heavens there are no kids, you have dodged a bullet as you don't have to see him every again if you D. Ok, so I know this is a DB site, but honestly, he'd have to come looking for you and your love, not just show how guilty he is...and that is the thing, he feels guilty but not sorry. Perhaps he is sorry he got caught, he feels no true remorse for hurting you, he is ridden with guilt because now you know his treachery, that's all.

I know many couples in db who despite it all have gotten back together... dont' know how long it took but it has happened. THe thing is...is up to you how much more are you going to take and how long you are willing to wait.

For now, I 'll tell you that you CAN have a great and fullfilling life, you are so young! so much ahead of you! GAL GAL GAL, keep super busy, find those friends you didnt' see often, plan gatherings, join meetup groups with people who like the same things you do. Volunteer, by giving back you'll feel so much better! I still remember the first day I volunteered, at the end of it I realized I had not thought of ex for a full afternoon! You are master of your thoughts, you can train your thoughts to go away from the hurtful parts. The bad thoughts will come, accept them and say to yourself "yes, that happened and it was hurtful, but it is in the past.
Read good books, a great book is "Tthe spiritual divorce" and also "eat, pray and love".

You can grow as a person and have a great life. Be careful that your L isnt' a "bomber" L, one who goes for the jugular and wants a fight. If at all possible do mediation, it saved me and dofus lots of money, I only had to see a L before and after the separation agreement was signed, to make sure I was not getting ripped off. You will do fine, believe it, that's the first step.