Looking For Help

[Thinker]

I know that my confusion is being brought on by fatigue, frustration, and resentment. I just keep telling myself that it's now only 14 days to Retrouvaille. I'll have my closure one way or another.

Hi LFH,

Keep it up. You can do it.

I know exactly how you feel. I told myself that I was not going to rely on Retro and not going to have expectations, but I have also felt myself counting down the days to some sort of closure.

It is exhausting. 3 1/2 months we scheduled Retro for Mid september, I counted down to it, and then had to postpone at the last minute. I am also finding that the closer the date gets, the less detached I get.

Like you, I am trying to keep the last weeks full and busy - time with my sons, guys nights out, etc. It's working, but I really do understand what you are going through.

What Sandi is saying about not rocking the boat in the last weeks before retro is important. I have been getting the same advice. Keep things relaxed between the two of you, focus on yourself, and give her space. If your wife is like mine, she is probably getting nervous about the expectations of the weekend.

[MrGreenEyes]

Just to share, Limbo explains exactly how I feel. I want more than she is capable of giving at this time but yet I am giving and giving. I feel my love bank is getting empty. It sounds like that is what you are feeling too. To get through these times, I take stock of what positives have happened so that I do not let the negatives override my thoughts.

I think Sandi2 is right on the mark don't let this limbo ruin any of your hard work.

[Looking_For_Help]

Hi Sandi:

Thank you for your reply. You were “spot on” when you mentioned that my W would become harder to live with over the next few weeks. Once again, I had to call her out on her poor behavior this past Sunday. She did an immediate “180” and has been nice ever since. She’s definitely trying to be more talkative again. Déjà vu all over again…I pull away and she’s drawn to me. I try not to rock the boat, but I’m at a point where I just don’t put up with B.S anymore.

The last two evenings have been pleasant. I cooked dinner for everyone each of the last two nights (W working late) and have spent a lot of time with the kids reading and doing homework. I caught my W “looking nicely and smilling” at me at least a half dozen times while I was playing with the kids. She’s admitted to me in the past that being a great father is a huge draw for her. I am starting to get a feeling that she really is looking forward to Retrouvaille…no physical evidence but just a gut feeling.

Again Sandi…thank you for your support. I look forward to hearing from you again.

-LFH

[Looking_For_Help]

Hi Thinker,

I have been following your thread for a while now and I wish you the very best at Retrouvaille. I'm prettly lucky in that my W's family lives nearby, so getting babysitters is no problem for us. In fact, my in-laws are excited to do this for us b/c they are aware of Retrouvaille's track record.

Thank you for your words of encouragement.

-LFH

[Looking_For_Help]

Hi MrGreenEyes,

Thank you for your post. Outside of my current situation, I am a very blessed individual. I thank God for these blessings b/c I know how fragile everything can be. I wish you the best...keep hanging in there. Limboland sucks.

Thanks,
LFH

[sandi2]

Remember how bad things were looking for Orich before he went to the retreat, and then he came back home with a new M. I, for one, was wanting to hear what all took place at the retreat, how they work with the couples, etc. Then he said he promised his W that he would not continue to post on the DB board. Don't you dare do that to us when you come back home. We want to hear all about it. You don't have to tell us anything personal that you don't want to, but I think several people were disappointed that Orich did not tell anything.

I suspect in the discussions at the retreat, Orich's W found out that he was posting on the board and she didn't like it and got him to agree to leaving DB board. I sure hope they are doing okay, but I hated to see him just cut it off without expounding on what took place. Anyway, I know if it can happen for Mr. & Mrs. Orich, it can happen for you & your W. Won't have to wait much longer.

[givingitmyall]

Yep. I, too, am anxious to find out how it goes. The next session in my area is not until Jan, unless I can find a sooner date at another locale.

[Thinker]

The standard seems to be for a given Retrouvaille chapter to schedule weekends 4 times per year. I was fortunate that I live right between two chapters, so when I had to cancel, I was able to move to one at another location.

[Looking_For_Help]

Today I'm feeling a little bummed out. I guess I'm becoming anxious about Retrouville. My W is going out of town on business Sunday morning and won't be returning until Wednesday night. Then we have Retro on Friday. My W is staying overnight at her parents house tonight since they live close to the airport.

I went golfing with my FIL this afternoon followed by dinner. We watched the Gator came together (with his CA buddy). My FIL and I talked about my situation. He can't believe I haven't filed for divorce yet...he admires my patience and is hoping for the best for us at Retro. I learned this evening that my W was pissed off at my FIL for inviting me to play golf. His response to her was that he still loves me like a son and enjoys my company...LFH is a good man.

I'm playing golf Sunday morning with my buddies and then I'm off to pick-up the kids from the in-laws. I'm going to focus on having a fun time.

Anyways, I'm worried about how things are going to workout next weekend. I've been told not to worry about things I can't control...but it's tough.

-LFH

[sandi2]

Anyways, I'm worried about how things are going to workout next weekend. I've been told not to worry about things I can't control...but it's tough.

I thought Orich was going to have a nervous break-down waiting for time to leave for the retreat! There were lots of people praying for him.....and there will be for you too! I know it's hard not to be anxious, but try not to worry and just let God take over the hard stuff, okay? I am looking forward to you coming home and telling us how wonderful it was and that it was the miracle that you and your W needed. I really believe that it will happen, LFH.