Do you think you've detatched completely? You said the marriage was dead but the connection is still there. Can't the connection still be there even if one has detatched completely. Doesn't detatchment mean that you completely realiize thay you have NO CONTROL over the other persons thoughts, feelings, and actions...and that you accept that? Have you done that?
I feel for ya'. I really do. You get thrown up and down and left and right and back and forth in this thing! I wonder, if you are completely detatched, and if you're not...maybe it would help if you were.
You're doin' OK A&K. It's really hard.
I think detachment is an ideal that with lots of work and lots of time you can approach, but I don't think one ever really gets there. I think some people confuse detaching with distancing. It is easier to distance oneself - you cut off contact, don't see the person regularly, and soon you stop really thinking about them.
I think detaching, on the other hand, is when you can still be with them - be around them and see them regularly, care about them, and STILL be objective and not let them influence you. THAT is REALLY hard to do.
And unfortunately, since your H is still a big part of your life and is still forcing himself in THAT is what you are stuck doing.
Believe me, you are not crazy or weak or not trying hard enough. It IS really hard.
Take care of yourself. I can see huge changes from where you were a couple of months ago. You ARE doing it.
Thinker
Last edited by Thinker; 10/07/0912:45 AM.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
