Ok RobX, Steve, and R2C - last night you had me looking at this in a new angle and thinking that maybe I need to say Im sorry and consider her feelings. Tonight, you are pushing me toward a little "me" time and (ahem) interaction. Last night - sefl doubt, tonight - I am smiling.
Yeah, no doubt about the respect. I see and feel that. Not that I am high and mighty but (as I was told by a shrink and see as well) she often responds like a rebellious teenager and makes me the dad that she wants to flip the bird too. When the EAs happened before, I disengaged and went exploring. That did bring a rise out of her. So, no doubt it would again. However, my concern is that she uses it as "justification" or rationalization for her own bad choices. (?) Feel like she's bating me to do so. Trust me, I'd love too, but the guilt may be hard to swallow.
Reacting on last night, I had a long talk with her today - by phone. Seems it is easier to talk that way. Took a stronger stance, but deflected the criticism rather than react to it. Told her I'm done with "limbo" and we are at the fork i nthe road. Either we commit to the work of working on this or commit to ending it. Either way is work and nor promises but tired of the BS and want to accelerate either way. Need to know where she wanted to go. My vote was to work on things, but only if she committed to the WORK involved and there were no promises. Asked her to define what she wanted and needed in a relationship because I am tired of guessing. She couldnt answer but asked if I knew and I said I absoltuely did. She is not hopeful that it can work but did not commit to either course of action (where before she was sold on divorce). I am not going to be a doormat. I am definitely the giver, but not a pushover. Its when I push back that she turns into the teen and all hell breaks loose.
