Hey sweetie.....just dropping by to see about you.
You did right by fixing your W some meds for her illness. If there is ever a time to show compassion in these cases, it would be when one is sick. Especially if the LL is acts of service! Good job.....and you didn't "over-kill".
It's always great to hear from you Sandi. Thanks for dropping in.
When I read your recent posts describing the many small, thoughtful gestures you are making it sounds to me like the acts of someone who is courting another....and from your description of W's responses it sounds as though she is noticing. The way that you care for her really comes through in your posts. It almost sounds as though you're falling in love with her all over again. The difference is that THIS time you know a lot more about what is required to make a M work.
I do feel like I'm courting her. I think she is noticing. I notice her tone of voice and interest in wanting to talk to me and ask me questions about nothing really. But that's the point. I think the substance of the conversation is irrelevant. She just wants to make that connection with me.
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A few suggestions from a woman's perspective are carrying her bags, opening doors, treating her to a pedicure or massage at the hotel's spa, finding ways to allow her to relax and ease into the day by relieving her of some of her normal morning responsibilities.
I have always opened doors, carried her bags, etc. I was raised in the south by southern parents, so that was just what a man was taught to do. But, I get your point. I think I will take care of getting the kids ready in the morning. Maybe I can take care of breakfast (which I sually do on the weekends) so she can sleep in.
Your ideas sound perfect! One other thing to pass along from my sessions with Jody (coach). Pick up something special on the trip (type of special photo, trinket, framed photo, object d'art, etc.) to bring home with you. W doesn't even need to be involved in the selection process. Maybe your children can pick this out with your help? This should be something that every time W looks at it she will remember the wonderful trip you all took together as a family. Those memories and warm feelings will flood back at a subconscious level when ever she looks at it. We women are very sentimental that way.
When my H moved his things out, Jody told me to be generous with our special possessions ---- to give him the things that he wanted so that every time he looked at them he would have warm thoughts of me and our time together. I parted with some things that were special to me (framed art photo of a Tuscan landscape (a place we visited on our honeymoon) and Italian ceramic wall hanging), but within 3 months of H moving out he told me one evening that the trip we took to Italy (wedding/honeymoon) was the best trip of his life.
Your ideas sound perfect! One other thing to pass along from my sessions with Jody (coach). Pick up something special on the trip (type of special photo, trinket, framed photo, object d'art, etc.) to bring home with you. W doesn't even need to be involved in the selection process. Maybe your children can pick this out with your help? This should be something that every time W looks at it she will remember the wonderful trip you all took together as a family. Those memories and warm feelings will flood back at a subconscious level when ever she looks at it. We women are very sentimental that way.
When my H moved his things out, Jody told me to be generous with our special possessions ---- to give him the things that he wanted so that every time he looked at them he would have warm thoughts of me and our time together. I parted with some things that were special to me (framed art photo of a Tuscan landscape (a place we visited on our honeymoon) and Italian ceramic wall hanging), but within 3 months of H moving out he told me one evening that the trip we took to Italy (wedding/honeymoon) was the best trip of his life.
GAG
GAG,
Great idea. We used to buy a Christmas ornament with each trip to Disney, and we have quite a few. At some point, we stopped doing that. Not sure why.
Just a quick note. You know how some things just go away and you don't notice when they did. Well, it works the other way too.
Early on, one of my big issues was dealing with not receiving ANY IM's from W. Pre-bomb, we sent a lot of those just to see how our days were going.
Well, I don't know precisely when they came back, but they're back. Just sort of noticed today.
Today, she opens with "Hope your day is going well" then proceeds to tell me about the things she's baking for D's birthday, which is tomorrow.
Feels nice.
She is watching and noticing.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
