My sitch...long but please indulge me

[billclay18]

I've noticed an interesting cycle with W and me. Something happens like my asking for a copy of separation agreement last week, she gets really mad. I think it's all over for sure.

I know what you mean. W sends email asking about D paperwork. I "happily" tell her I'll put it in the mail. She responds seeking equity from the house. I tell her there is none. Two days later she emails with some news on some friends of ours and to see how my D11 is doing with no mention of paperwork or house.

Time to stir the pot I guess. What do I have to lose?

[Tomato]

hi bill, I just responded to your query on the piecing thread since me and my darling are putting things back together after there had not been an affair involved.

T

[billclay18]

I guess that means there's hope. Seems most of the success stories I read here involved an A, but I haven't read them all.

Thanks for checking in Tom!

[RedSoxFan]

I've noticed an interesting cycle with W and me. Something happens like my asking for a copy of separation agreement last week, she gets really mad. I think it's all over for sure.

I know what you mean. W sends email asking about D paperwork. I "happily" tell her I'll put it in the mail. She responds seeking equity from the house. I tell her there is none. Two days later she emails with some news on some friends of ours and to see how my D11 is doing with no mention of paperwork or house.

Time to stir the pot I guess. What do I have to lose?

Yep, they're definitely processing stuff which means there's hope.

Its hard to key in on everyone's cycles around here. We all seem to have our routines of ups and downs going through this stuff. I'm feeling more and more like the lows are shallower and shorter. I feel like I do so much better with W when I'm in control and optimistic. I'm kind of on or off. I own the world or it owns me. I'm owning it a lot more lately.

Seems like you're on a down swing lately. What's it going to take for you to get life by the horns again??

[billclay18]

I've noticed an interesting cycle with W and me. Something happens like my asking for a copy of separation agreement last week, she gets really mad. I think it's all over for sure.

I know what you mean. W sends email asking about D paperwork. I "happily" tell her I'll put it in the mail. She responds seeking equity from the house. I tell her there is none. Two days later she emails with some news on some friends of ours and to see how my D11 is doing with no mention of paperwork or house.

Time to stir the pot I guess. What do I have to lose?

Yep, they're definitely processing stuff which means there's hope.

Please expound on this.

Its hard to key in on everyone's cycles around here. We all seem to have our routines of ups and downs going through this stuff. I'm feeling more and more like the lows are shallower and shorter. I feel like I do so much better with W when I'm in control and optimistic. I'm kind of on or off. I own the world or it owns me. I'm owning it a lot more lately.

Seems like you're on a down swing lately. What's it going to take for you to get life by the horns again??

Not sure if it's a down swing or just nearing the point of moving on and throwing in the towel. Your sitch is much different. You have a need to "right a wrong" which is understandable, you obviously love your W very much, want to keep your family together and lastly avoid the financial downfall for both of you.

[billclay18]

No need to stir pot, W just left a VM saying she just rec'd paperwork yesterday (surprising since I mailed it on 9/25) and would like to discuss a couple of things. Here we go!

[RedSoxFan]

Good luck!!

[billclay18]

I waited a few hours before returning her call. She didn't answer so I left a VM telling her I was swamped at work and we could talk later. She called twice 10 minutes later, but I didn't answer because I am busy and this is not a conversation to have at work.

I dread this conversation because although I'm being fair and just covering my a$$ financially, I'm going to be the bad guy. Argh!!!

[pearlharbr]

You're right, this is a conversation you need to have when you're ready and definitely not at work. It can even wait a day or two until you're sure you're ready.

Just remember to stay calm and polite. Talk to her as you would a neighbor, friendly but not emotional. If she gets mean or tries to engage you in a fight just say you'll let the lawyers handle it and politely end the call. If she asks what you've been doing then allude to a busy life, mention a few activities with friends. Don't ask her what she's been up to. And remember this is not the time to ask her why she hasn't contacted D11.

[billclay18]

Pearl,

I printed out your last post and put it in my wallet as a reminder of how to handle this. Great advise as usual.