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Quote:

It is your decision, and I'll support whatever one you make..


Course if this is how you always handled it, a 180 would be not always dumping the decision it in their lap.

HOWEVER, Kidding...what worried me right now is that your asking these questions about communications with your Wife...when many of us feel your should be learning the fine art of STFU!



Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet

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BTW, Good to see you Mach...

I thought you might have gotten banned again. ;P



Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet

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"Framing a statement with a can or would,that's asking vs controling isn't it?"

NO.

Questions and statements can be equally controlling. If you quit trying to control your W's choices, that would equal less controlling.


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Originally Posted By: Jack_Three_Beans
BTW, Good to see you Mach...

I thought you might have gotten banned again. ;P



Not yet, but the day IS young....smiley face

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could always post some links:

seemingly...those made up links...actually went somewhere...

best to take them down.

smirk face.

Last edited by Jack_Three_Beans; 10/06/09 07:58 PM.


Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet

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Cracking the F up face.


Don't stand still.
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Originally Posted By: Grace_O
ayk,

Quote:
The only thing she said to me, is she can't make me happy any more and i need to finish my own thought.


Was she trying to make you happy by filling your need for attention? Even if she felt she felt she was...her perspective is valid too.

I know that was one of the things i did wrong

Quote:
i think by saying i love you too much to her and kids, instead of them just knowing


Quote:
i used to tell all 3 of them 50 times a nite, i loved 'em.

i think they all felt like they had to respond, with love you back.


It's good to be told ILY. When someone says it all the time, it has a very needy quality about it. That many times a day, week etc. falls into needy IMO. It somes off as a constant need to be reassured.

Yes another thing i learned about myself

Quote:
i would lose my independence when i got home, i dropped everything to be with wife, but no i didn't look for validation, but i didn't want to do very much without her or without us as a group.


Again, IMO being to insulary as a couple (even if you both fall into a pattern) is not good and can get to dangerous.

If you go out and do things with friends or even by yourself, you have something to bring back to the R. I know that with kids and all you are amking memories and all, but to have your own interests makes for a much more intersting and happy life.

Why do you think she asked "is that wrong?" What was your response if something happened or was said that you thought was wrong?

no that was her insecurity,it was usually what she thought she did or said to someone else or how she hadled a situation.


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Originally Posted By: Jack_Three_Beans
Quote:

It is your decision, and I'll support whatever one you make..


Course if this is how you always handled it, a 180 would be not always dumping the decision it in their lap.

HOWEVER, Kidding...what worried me right now is that your asking these questions about communications with your Wife...when many of us feel your should be learning the fine art of STFU!

I am STFU, I'm thinking how I talk to other people too.

are you kidding #1851536 10/07/09 04:35 AM
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Ok,

All of you I am a slow learner...I probably needed to treat this as the break up it really was vs trying to still maintain a friendship. And when you get dumped, it's probably best you have no contact at all with that person.

Because it's probably best to hear your ignoring me, because then the complaint would've been "you still don't listen" vs laying down doing what they asked and getting hammered for it later or staying in save a relationship mode, THIS IS EMAIL AND TEXT RELATED, not face to face contact. It's still best to hear you're "ignoring me" vs don't control me.

There is 24 hours in a day, I don't need to get back with her on you need to move your car within 30 seconds.And oh yeah dummy she knows what hurts you, so she's gonna go after that everytime looking for you to defend yourself.They're looking for a reason to rationilize this so the more I step in the more...

Shoot I hope for her sake I didn't mess up. I have time to work on myself now.

are you kidding #1851537 10/07/09 04:37 AM
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I should have just stayed on page 2 of my posts all along when it was all spelled out.

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