It's too hard sometimes

[TooLateForMe]

Oh, well. I'll post anyway. No use starting all over.

For those who've been paying attention, had yet another nc for this week.

Recent thinking has put me in the frame that I will just agree with her and validate her. Truth is, I have a lot of the same issues as W does. Never feeling good enough, walking on eggshells, exhausted by the constant ups and downs. I haven't been thinking about my own feelings and solely concentrating on hers. I'm tired of that and spent a good deal of time today thinking about how I've felt through the last year.

So, I broke the nc and sent her an email saying how I need to move on to a healthy lifestyle. That might seem manipulative in that I don't want the M to end. But I no longer have the energy to stay so obsessed with her. I feel she needs to know that I'm not chasing her any more and that I'm focusing on my own health.

It always seems to be about how she feels any more. I keep reaching out and she knocks me back. No more. My life has got to be about me and she has to know that. Basically, if she wants to be my friend, she will have to act like one.

I won't hold onto her and that's not what a M is about anyway.