Not quite sure if I`m still DBing or just separation adjusting at this stage.
Recovering from yesterday first I suppose;H seems to get more vindictive the more vulnerable I am so I`ve got to shore up that front.
Goals for next week; Stay calm Talk to H about the kids Keep having fun/looking good eat and sleep well(both seems to fall apart when I`m upset) Enjoy the puppy with the kids. Get back into some of my home making projects.
I get the sinking feeling that H won`t tolerate amicablity. He`s really bent on getting at me.
Anyway, I`m just glad the first session is over and I`m ok.
Puppy`s doing well! A great hit with the kids. Really bringing out the loving side of S14 too and has already become a great touchpoint for the three kids.
Just lovely to watch the three of them playing together with her this am.
I`ve been to therapy yesterday. yes, continuing it but just on a fortnightly basis. She`s really encouraging me to wake up to the fact that the marreiage is over. So has the mediator. she said very bluntly on Tuesday "This marriage is over"
It is. I know it is. But does that mean we`re done? That`s it. No hope of a reconciliation?
I wouldn`t even ask the therapist that or she`d look at me incredulously as if I`m the biggest twit on earth.
And maybe it`s important for me to just believe it is over.
H knows it is.
He didn`t come home at all yesterday. Just slipped in when everyone was in bed. Therapist thinks he`s well capable of blowing up again and doing any kind of damage.
So do I.
I`m staying out of his way. I do nothing to provoke him(apart from existing that is). I`m keeping busy too.
Really, really tired.
Can well believe that when H leaves the relief will be massive.
He`s bent on going, that`s for sure. But we`ll work out how only through mediation. No point in trying to communicate with him right now.
Glad to hear the new puppy is doing well. Dogs and kids, ya gotta love it. I shouldn't say just kids. My big guy is the best listener
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It is. I know it is. But does that mean we`re done? That`s it. No hope of a reconciliation?
Is that what it means to you? IMO it doesn't have to mean that.
Does it really matter what the theapist thinks? I have my suspicions she may have been mistaken a time or two in here life. She doesn't have a crystal ball and her job is to help you find ways of coping with all the stress of this etc. If she isn't the one to do that....find another.
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And maybe it`s important for me to just believe it is over.
Is it, for you? Different people feel differently about it. The old M is over, that's true whether you D or not.
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I`m staying out of his way. I do nothing to provoke him(apart from existing that is). I`m keeping busy too.
That you exist doesn't provoke him. He does that all on his own. Perhaps it's is own existance that puts him in a foul mood.
True, that it's best to keep clear. No need for an explosion.
I am so glad you all are enjoying the new puppy - really, who can resist 'em? (I want to see a picture!)
I know it is incredibly painful and your H actually leaving home seems so "final" but he sounds so volatile that it probably is a good thing for now, for you and the kids.
Take the time you need to process through your grief. We are all here for you!!
I think that he has to leave in order to find out that you are not the source of his anger. I don't know that he will figure that out, even then, but as long as he is there, I don't think things are going to get any better.
Stay calm, keep that center you seem to have found in the past few weeks. Remember, the kids are going to watch your reaction, and that will have a lot to do with how they react. I truly believe that if you show them that this is not "ruining" your life, it won't "ruin" theirs. You are the key person in this! (Not to put any pressure on you! )
I truly believe that if you show them that this is not "ruining" your life, it won't "ruin" theirs. You are the key person in this!
Right on!
Jeff that was awesome!
Monkeys, typewriters, Shakespeare...
Seriously, that's the one part of all of this that I feel like I can advise from experience. What we are going through is clearly NOT ruining our kids' lives. And I am convinced it is because we are not letting it ruin ours.
(I want to see a picture!)