Thanks folks for all your prayers, posts and thoughts!
Phew! I`m out the other end of it. Only getting a chance to post now though.
It went ok. I took a xanax as advised by Twink(thanks Twink!) as I slept very little last night and was hyper anzious and weepy this am.
Nevertheless I wept through the first half of the session. Wept for the kids, wept for the finality of everything, wept because h was so grimly determined to get on with the business of splitting up. I tried not to but the tears kept coming-something H hasn`t seen in a long time.
But he was annoyed that I said H wasnted separation more than me and refuted that. But I siad we`d had happier times and that I wanted the kids to remember that their younger days in the family were fun filled and that they were conceived in love.Cue more weeping.
But that I accepted H was done and I would let him go in love and friendship. That I wanted him to be more involved in parenting but understood that through his pain that he only felt able to take a peripheral role lately.
I let H answer all the questions first-let him take the lead.
Things progressed very swiftly in the hour onto financial stuff which I hadn`t expected and was ill prepared for as neither of us had expected that to come up in the first session. That is H`s forte in any case. I just took notes.
We left sort of together. I suggested coffee(not DBing of me but trying to keep amicable footing for separation) but H was in a rush and suggested we chat in his car instead.
He was irritable. Nothing I could quite put my finger on.Mentioned an old girlfriend and said he had just been wondering if they had got married... That type of thing.Sniping at me.
I was just tired and wanted to get back to work so I didn`t entertain him for too long.
Got the puppy with the kids. To cheer them-and me!-up. We were due to pick him up tomorrow but had time this pm.
H was very cross by the time he came home. Why had I bought the dog today of all days... I`d played a great game in the mediators today.... I`m so clever...He even blocked my way from leaving the room at one stage.
I stayed calm throughout(God bless xanax!). His fury simmering over everything for the two hours since dinner. Even sent me a text to say "It`s over!" Watching me for a reaction he said I`d sent that text to him this year. I stayed calm but said I had a whole new perspective on our relationship since April.
I`m not quite sure why he`s mad. He`s got his start on mediation.
Its as if he sees this as a battle to see who`ll do best out of separation.
