A couple of questions to all the WAS

[alexjadams]

Hello all I have just been reading some things on the internet & found I was struggling with these same issues, I just wanted some other opinions, thanks for taking the time.....

Now that you have walked away, have the reasons for walking away been justified?

And what were the reasons you walked away?

Did you find the same problems in your new relationship that you had when you walked away from your old one?

Are you thinking of walking away from this relationship as well?

Are you still with the person you walked away with and is this the relationship you thought you were going to have?

thank you for your time!

[Phoenixdeux]

Not many WASes on here to answer these questions. I can tell you that some of them are happy as little clams.

[alexjadams]

Phoenixdeux

I bet none of them will have the balls to answer

because the true answers are...

1> NO
2> I went looking for what I already had but didn't know it until it was gone
3>Yes it made me realized that my spouse was not at fault for all of my issues
4> Yes the OM/OW was a complete jerk/a$$
5> Nope because once i realized what i had done to my spouse i knew i really loved them not om/ow

[dday101798]

Phoenixdeux

I bet none of them will have the balls to answer

because the true answers are...

1> NO
2> I went looking for what I already had but didn't know it until it was gone
3>Yes it made me realized that my spouse was not at fault for all of my issues
4> Yes the OM/OW was a complete jerk/a$$
5> Nope because once i realized what i had done to my spouse i knew i really loved them not om/ow

I would pay good money to see AmyC's reaction to this post if she were still around.

Seriously dude, what's your point?

[lodo]

I bet none of them will have the balls to answer because the true answers are...

1> NO
2> I went looking for what I already had but didn't know it until it was gone
3>Yes it made me realized that my spouse was not at fault for all of my issues
4> Yes the OM/OW was a complete jerk/a$$
5> Nope because once i realized what i had done to my spouse i knew i really loved them not om/ow

small wonder WAWs don't feel like commenting with heavy-handed stuff like this being posted.

If you've already decided you know how everyone else feels and you've cast that into stone, then why are you here, Alex?

I'm sure some WAWs ARE happy as clams after having the balls to escape unfulfilling, emotionally bereft, or physically abusive relationships.

[alexjadams]

Lodo

1st my response was meant to anger ant WAS into a response

When I’m being attacked I tend defend or explain myself even if the other person can't see where i'm coming from (to get it off my chest)

2nd I've cast that stone because most of it is true (I said most)

If they weren't used to running away as a way with coping they would have stayed in thier marriages

I agree with you in a Physical abusive relationship

But leaving because "my spouse doesn't understand me" don't float for me most of us don't understand or know what we want but yet expect our spouses to know

I was hoping to get a WAS who has worked thru their issues to take a moment and answer honestly

But once they run away for a OP then that relatioship doesn't work out they try to block out any part of that experience in their life as if it never happen
some of them (like when they say & do what they do to the LBS) chose to forget things that has happen or that was said
trust me I understand that, & I wish I can forget my own experience with this but I can't and you know what it made me who I am today!

I respect a WAS who can come here in stand in the face of a LBS and take all that crap!

I guess you would say a convict who killed someone doesn't deserve a second chance? I guess you might change your mind if that was your spouse, child, parent, or sibling?

But if you say they deserved a 2nd chance, would you want them to repent to any or everybody (kind of like how Mike Vick has to go to schools talking about how dog fighting is wrong)

Now are we mean as a society to expect him to do that? & if we aren't why can't WAS to do the same or should we just leave him alone and not force him to repent

You can read thru any post of a LBS & they all are repenting

Just wanted to give a WAS a chance too

[MrBond]

If you were looking for a WAS to answer these questions, you're fooling yourself.

You're pissed off at your sitch and were looking for someone to take out your anger on. Stop jerking people around. The WASs here aren't your W. You're pissed at your W. Fine. Don't take it out on the WASs who are here and genuinely are working to get the R back on track.

Why don't you ask your W these questions? I have a feeling that no matter what she or any other WAS says isn't going to be good enough for you. We've all been hurt dude. Get your anger out on something else.

[dday101798]

You're pissed off at your sitch and were looking for someone to take out your anger on. Stop jerking people around. The WASs here aren't your W. You're pissed at your W. Fine. Don't take it out on the WASs who are here and genuinely are working to get the R back on track.

Agreed, full on.

Plus, this is supposed to be the forum for WAS' to work on their issues, not to be subjected in yet another witch hunt. Seems to be a 3 month cycle before someone tries to stir up another lynch mob.

[alexjadams]

Stuck808

if you see may actions that way then so be it
that is not my intent

My intent was to allow a WAS to speak thier mind
to be honest I feel just like

My ex was a WAW. Like so many men I didn't see it coming and was just floored when it happened. I discovered DB in the aftermath when the relationship was well over. I tried the steps and went dark for a month. After a few weeks dark, she initiated contact and there was a glimmer of hope for bit, but the minute I started to feel like things could work out she was back to the same chaotic behavior. I finally had to take a hard look at my situation and I realized that I might be able to save my relationship if I was willing to fight it out for several months, maybe years. We met for dinner one night and I realized that it wasn't a path I could put myself through. I was already bitter about what were going through then and I couldn't imagine what I would be like after a year of that hell. I chose to close the door on the relationship and go on with life and it was the best decision I ever made. Two years out and I have a wonderful wife who is amazing and makes me thankful I made the decision I did. My WAW is now going through another divorce and has called me several times to let me know that she made a mistake and that she will never marry again. NOt that long ago I would have gloated over how right I was , now I just feel pity for her. My point is this gentlemen - if you are involved in a WAW situation, weigh carefully how far you're willing to go and what you're willing to put up with to make reconcile your marriage. A WAW is like a tornado, her life is a mass of choas that will will suck you up and throw you all over the place cauing untold damage. I sympathize and support those who are trying to make their marriage work and have children involved but if you're like I was (no kids just a crazy WAW who thought she knew exactly what she was doing) then consider what you're willing to go through. You didn't walk away, she did and a better life might be a lot closer than you think. I'm two years out from my WAW - I'm remarried and happier than I've ever been, her...well, she's asked me for help straightening out her life now but I'm not her husband anymore and can only do so much. Your choice - you didn't walk away and there are good women out there. I took what I learned here and used it my current marriage and while it may not be perfect, my eyes are open and I'm trying really hard not to make the same mistakes again. Two years out and truly, truly happy!!

[MrBond]

Really? Who are you trying to fool.

"I bet none of them will have the balls to answer

because the true answers are...

1> NO
2> I went looking for what I already had but didn't know it until it was gone
3>Yes it made me realized that my spouse was not at fault for all of my issues
4> Yes the OM/OW was a complete jerk/a$$
5> Nope because once i realized what i had done to my spouse i knew i really loved them not om/ow"

yeah like that really doesn't sound judgmental and hypercritical. You just want someone to criticize. Get the balls to admit it. From your date, you've been at this for 3 years. That's a long time and I'm sorry for your sitch.

But you gotta let go and not let this hang like chains on you. Go out and GAL for yourself.