I have hope, but for no apparent reason. I don't show this to my wife, I simply chose to be hopeful, even if we file this week. There are positive feelings between us yet, I know it.
If we end up divorced, it won't be because I didn't try. If we end up remaining married I will be better for this adversity.
I have decided that no matter the pain, I can not have regret about not trying to save my marriage. I am not perfect and I have made mistakes (over and over again), and will need to forgive myself for those. I can't yet do that, but will at some point. While I may always regret what I did, I will not allow myself to have more regret from not having done everything I can, right now, to save my marriage.
How long these endorphines last, I don't know, but I will enjoy the ride as long as I can and deal with the reverse when it comes.
