8 months into it, first post

[EJohn]

Well I know talking to her doesn't work! The only things that seem to work so far is dating, and being happy around her. Showing that I don't need her.

[sandi2]

That's what I'm talking about. It doesn't feel like that is what should work, right? But if it does.....then keep doing it.

[EJohn]

She's still with the OM. Doesn't bother me like it used to. Taking the "it's her problem, not mine" approach seems to work. I know who I am and what I have to do to be happy. Doesn't have to be with her. I have to see her briefly the next three days when my daughter gets off the bus. Just have to keep to the "as if", no R talks, and focus on being happy. I have the next week off, so it'll be a great time to spend with my kids.

Probably have nothing to report until after we go to the parenting class later in the week. I have a feeling she's going to want to talk about us after the class (maybe) since it should be a reality check for her. It'll be hard not to discuss R, since I've been waiting for so long, but I'll have to maintain that there is no us as long as he's in the picture.

[EJohn]

I really like the lyrics of this song by Weezer. It makes a lot of sense and almost seems like a metaphor for people in my sitch.

King
One night at the disco I wanted to dance slow
I saw a sweet baby, such a fine lady
And I walked up to ask her, but some dude just grabbed her
I told him to back off, cut me some slack off
I see you come here, drinkin' that cheap beer
Act like you own it, I can't condone it
You show me no respect, you got to get off it
You got to get with it. Time for a swift kick
You see, I own this town. You best not come around.
If you wanna get by, then cool it down.
If you wanna start something, know one thing: I'm king.
If you wanna mess around like that, that's just how it is.
If you wanna get by, then mind your biz.
If you wanna start something, know one thing: I'm king.

You wanted attention and did I mention:
Nobody likes you, except for the losers
You made a whole army, an army of babies
Some of them stupid, some of them crazy
Pick up your action, act like a grown man
Look at the winners, you can be like them
Life is so easy, pleasant, and dreamy
If you get off me, if you get with me
You see, I own this town. You best not come around.
If you wanna get by, then cool it down.
If you wanna start something, know one thing: I'm king.
If you wanna mess around like that, that's just how it is.
If you wanna get by, then mind your biz.
If you wanna start something, know one thing: I'm king.

You can't break me
Never take me
That's just how it is
You can't break me
Never shake me
Clear out of my biz

[EJohn]

What I like about it is, or what I think it could be a metaphor for it the OP. They really losers in a way, especially if there are children, because they are mine. I have the best part of my wife, which is my children. And if I continue to be the father that I am and should be, they'll always come to me and not him. So while he may be in her life, it's my life that they want and need. HE will never break me, can't take away who I am. This is my town.

[Ready2Change]

Songs are a great way to "look in the mirror". They also help me release repressed emotions.

"The bleeding" by five finger death punch is one that resonates with me.....


When I listen to songs, I listen from first person, second person and third person perspectives. Sometimes I get the feeling from the person singing. Sometimes I feel my feelings. Sometimes I feel MsR2C's feelings. Each way helps me understand things better.

[EJohn]

Today, while picking my kids up from W's house, D5 asked me to come eat lunch with her at school tomorrow. She then asked if W could come to. W said we'd both be there. I don't have a problem being around her anymore, not that I really want to at this point, but I guess it gives me a chance to shine. My only fear tomorrow is giving my daughter hope that we're together. She's old enough to know somethings wrong. The first few months of the separation, while I was living at my parents, I would tell her that I was helping them. But, they are still young enough to "bounce back". It'll make my daughter happy to see us together.

Between the lunch tomorrow, and the class later in the week, that'll be the most time I've spent with my W since I moved out after Easter. Her weeks with the kids, I never see her or the kids, but my weeks, I see her everyday (just a few minutes each day) because she picks the kids up from the sitter. I work later than she does. Although, the few times that we did spend a few hours together (fair, birthday party) was when she would send me the getting back together emails. I'll just be the best me I can, and if she sends me any R emails, I'll just ignore them. Need to see real action from her first, because each time she's been with the OM either the same day, or the next.

Still struggling with trying to save the marriage, and just walking away. Often think "what would I do if we didn't have kids?" Just don't know today. One day at a time.

[Ready2Change]

Still struggling with trying to save the marriage, and just walking away... Just don't know today. One day at a time.

I still struggle with this (Divorce was finalized in Jan). All I can do is my best. I can control my 1/2 of the relationship. I can control my thoughts, actions and words. I set my intentions. I can not control Ex-wife. I can focus on improving the relationship. Setting her free to walk her path and setting myself free to walk my path. I am committed to personal growth. All my other relationships are great.

What type of role model do you want to be for your kids?

[EJohn]

Lunch went pretty well today. We didn't talk to each other much, but when we did it was pleasant, eye contact, smiling and laughing. D5 kept saying it was nice to have the whole family together. Not sure how W took it when she said it. I think she said it three times.

On the way home, S3 flipped out. W was in the back seat trying to comfort him. He knew mommy was going to be dropped off, and was playing her pretty hard. Once he calmed down, W says to me, in a questionable tone "You defriended me on Myspace?". I didn't really respond to it. I think I just said yeah. Could tell it bugged her. Can't remember how long ago I took her off. I've also ignored her Facebook friend invite a while back. It was more so I wouldn't have the urge to snoop.

I had D3 the rest of the day, and was supposed to pick up D5 after she got off the bus at W house. W called before the bus showed up and asked me to pick D5 up at the bus stop since it was raining. She also didn't want to go thru the crying part with S3 again. She finally saw some of the fallout on the kids.

[EJohn]

Just checked me work emails. She had sent me an email this morning about Myspace. "U defriended me on Myspace? WTF?"

In the beginning I got the usual script "I can see us getting back together in 5 years, I still want to be friends after this". It's not working out how she planned...it's getting to her. I just deleted the email. Any response probably wouldn't have elicited a good response on her part.