I certainly don't have the answers to any of this, but it does seem the folks here who have been able to "bust their D" were only successful when they completely let go. You haven't done that thru your actions and words mean nothing. Not sure how you get to that point...I'm still struggling with it myself.
If you have a chance, please check out my thread. Looking for some feedback and not getting any.
Me45 (D11 from 1st marriage) W43 (D20 & D16 from 1st marriage) M4 Bomb 6/16/09 W wants D W moved out 8/29/09 I sent her D paperwork 9/25/09...I'm done