Ever meet a salesperson at the door? The Electrolux guy trying to sell you a vacuum or some religious person trying to get you to change your religion?? Or how about the telemarketer who calls just as you are putting that burger, right off the grill, into your mouth?
Actions speak louder than words. Stop the apologizing. Stop the posturing. Stop the 'threats' of moving forward and how you've changed.
Ugh.
The unfortunate truth here is that you hurt your wife initially and weren't true to your vows. She was hurt. She lost trust. She found comfort with another man. OK.....that's old history now and you want to reconcile. Well you can't do it easily nor by being a wuss, pursuing her and constantly apologizing.
First off, women listen and hear better than we do. She HEARD you apologize the first, second, third time. Actions speak much louder.
Women read US much better than WE do them. Actions. She needs to SEE what you mean. She needs to see that you are calm, available and listening but not selling and threatening her with moving on if she doesn't do it YOUR way.
Ask yourself.....would YOU go back to YOU if you were her? Why would anyone woman go back to YOU? If you know WHY she should go back to you, then stop the posturing and do as Jean Luc Picard says"
Originally Posted By: Jean Luc Picard
Make it so.
I can tell you that the ONLY CHANCE YOU HAVE is to stop all the stuff you are doing, grieve the loss of your marriage and go forward with actions and not words. Note, I am not saying dump your wife, treat her like crap and walk away.
FACT: the majority of separations go on to divorce FACT: if W is with OM, she finds HIM more attractive than you (for the moment) and you need to learn how to become attractive again.
I hope you are not in the State of NY as I am. I agree that if you are paying her more than what is usual, your state will most likely continue the 'status quo'. You will NOT be able to prove that you are hurting if can easily afford this NOW. Not only that, your W will begin to enjoy the support and will NOT want to relinquish it once established.
If you KNOW that W is starting to get angry and...you KNOW that the odds are high that sep leads to divorce and that people change during the divorce process, you should do whatever is necessary to protect yourself and your future but do so FAIRLY and without threat to her. If she is getting angry, then, you may be presenting yourself as an adversary.
Repeating: 1) Hold Onto Your NUTS 2) Making her happy dot com and sign up for the newsletters 3) Venus and Mars Starting Over by Gray
You only have 2 choices: 1)Stand for your marriage 2)Don't
The only way you'll survive choice number one is to let go.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
