2+ years - try again or move on?

[seeking sanity]

Hi gang, I've been reading forum posts here for a few days and I'd appreciate some advice.

I've been separated 2+ years, 4 kids, WAW situation. She originally left me for the OM (they didn't live together). All the usually stuff - ILYBINILWY, chronic lying, I need to find myself, etc.

After a year of being separated we reconciled for about 8 months, which was really tough. After an initial good period of maybe 5 weeks, she largely wouldn't do the stuff I needed to heal from the affair (transparency, affection, disclosure), and I had a hard time DB'ing with consistency due to my feelings about her affairs and the abandonment. We'd go months without having sex, she wouldn't physicaly touch me for weeks at a time. And she maintained a friendship with a guy I found threatening and would lie about being in contact with him. (I don't know if it was ever romantic.)

I finally couldn't take it anymore and we separated again and she moved out. At that point things got better and we were "dating" each other. I thought maybe things could work this way. But then she went to an overnight party in another city hosted by the male "friend" then lied to me about it. When I discovered the truth I was devastated, immediately did a 180 and decided that she'd never hurt me again. It was the last lie I was willing to be a part of. It broke me.

So we stopped contact for a month or so. And then for the most part just kept it to money and kids. I had resigned myself to getting divorced. I was just worn down from the 2+ years of separation/false reconciliation, and 1+ prior to that of the decent.

For the last 6 months or so since then I'd started dating and purged some of the feeling of inadequacy. (Nothing serious, I'm very clear with the women I've dated that I'm emotionally unavailable and not up for a serious commitment.)

So, here's where I need advice. Recently we've started talking again. We're at the point where we need to get divorced or not. I still love her, we have children together, an 18 year history, and have a bit of hope we could make it. But I have zero trust in her. The lying and her history of cheating has me feeling very distrustful. She's expressed that she doesn't remember a time she was happy in our marriage, but has also expressed love and hope for me.

And I'm well aware of my culpability in all this. I was an inattentive husband for many years and took her for granted. It was a text book WAW situation.

The first reconciliation almost killed me. It took me so far past my emotional boundaries, I'm not willing to go there again. But my sense is that if I put some effort in, we could give it another go.

I'm torn and don't know what to do. I liked being married. And she's a wonderful women in many ways.

Advice?