Newcomer, want to keep my hope alive!

[ClingingToHope]

Remember the harder the process gets, the harder it's going to be to overcome the bitterness. Don't look to "win." Look to "tie."

[iwantittowork]

Went and worked out and feeling pretty good before I leave for Mediation..

[BigJohn]

IWITW,

How did mediation go today for you?

[iwantittowork]

Wow good timing BJ, I just sat down to type, I had to go cool off after mediation before coming home.

I need input bigtime. I can not believe the position that I am in. What mediation showed me today, is that I am the only one at risk, both emotionally and financially.

Essentially mediation is busted, from a financial perspective, to make 2 households out of 1 is nearly impossible. Even the mediator was throwing his hands up saying, financially, we are in a tough spot. In order for me to rent a place, and pay child support, and survive, I am upside down by 800 a week or so, due to 'investment' properties that I got into 2 years ago.

Mediators solutions where:
- We get divorced, and stay in the same house until those properties are divested and I can afford to move out and pay child support.
-- I told them no way could I live with her while she is out dating other guys. Her reply was: "Well, I wouldn't flaunt the guys I am dating, or bring them home, so that would be ok with her." Uh, no, no way could I do that, and maintain my emotional well being. I just couldn't do it.

- I stop paying mortgage on one or both investment properties and let them get foreclosed on.

-- Great! I get financially devastated to make sure WAW can survive!

I asked for a couple of days to review what we have, and figure out what I need to do.

I don't see a way out of this, other than pursuing this through a L, and for me to:
- Get out of this house, before the emotional strain becomes to much.
- Convert to paying her child support per the guidelines and transfer bills for our house to her, and current household mortgage.

I run the risk of financial chaos in any case, and believe my emotional well being is more important at this time.

I believe that I will be calling the L tomorrow, who incidentally told me to do the above plan 3 months ago, and put myself in front of this D, like you BJ.

Since my name is the only one on the line financially, she has nothing to lose, and is already divested emotionally, so I don't know what other option I have.

What a shame.

[iwantittowork]

I am absolutely exhausted and couldn't sleep last night, even with the help of Advil PM.

Got to call L this AM and try and get this plan moving.

[iwantittowork]

I am going to struggle with this decision for the rest of the week, and probably my life.

Meeting set for L tomorrow.

Anyone got some words of advice for me?

[antlers]

Good mornin' iwantittowork.

Sorry for your struggles and predicament.

Don't make decisions based on emotions.

Don't rollover. Don't destroy yourself financially or emotionally. Caring about someone doesn't mean you let them walk all over you.

Be firm but stay friendly.

You have to be compassionate towards yourself, first and foremost, before you can have true compassion for somebody else. Remember, the Golden Rule is based on the premise, first and foremost, that we love OURSELVES.

O'dog sent me this..."My actions are the only true belongings that I have. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground on which I stand."


Stay strong my man.

[iwantittowork]

Thanks Antlers,

Those have been my focus, these are the things I know.

- My d8 comes first, but in order for me to focus on her, I need to be as sound as I can be both Financially and emotionally.
- I can not, and will not, stay in the same house as WAW while she dates other men.
- I will not destroy myself financially so she may do so either, or allow her to walk away with only me holding the financial mess.

- I have been compassionate to my W, apologized for my transgressions in the R many times, made good with myself over them, and will continue to change for me to be a better man.

[antlers]

Thanks Antlers,

Those have been my focus, these are the things I know.

- My d8 comes first, but in order for me to focus on her, I need to be as sound as I can be both Financially and emotionally.
- I can not, and will not, stay in the same house as WAW while she dates other men.
- I will not destroy myself financially so she may do so either, or allow her to walk away with only me holding the financial mess.

- I have been compassionate to my W, apologized for my transgressions in the R many times, made good with myself over them, and will continue to change for me to be a better man.

- Agreed. Sound wisdom.
- Agreed. Sound wisdom.
- Agreed. Sound wisdom.

- Outstanding. You have done all you can. You validated, you apologized and accepted responsibility, and you became a better man, father, and partner. Regarding compassion...you have to be compassionate with yourself first and foremost, before you can truly be compassionate to others. Remember that the Golden Rule is based on the premise that you love YOURSELF first and foremost!


ps- I want to share something with you that O'dog sent me..."My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground on which I stand."

[iwantittowork]

After all this, and all this time, the LBS is going to become the WAW.

This is not easy.