Oh, and no, I did not poach my own chicken. I used about 6 boneless, skinless frozen chicken thighs and canned broth. I did, however, poach the thighs in with the corn and potatoes then removed them to dice and return to the pot with the broth. I'll bring it back to temperature and add the cream when H gets home. So far, it smells and tastes amazing.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
BTW, Browni - I had to bite my lips and sit on my hands ( ) to keep from 'fixing' things for him last night or to keep from making a great big anxiety fest. As it was, I made one suggestion then just snuggled him when he opted out.
I kept my own processing to myself, though I would tell him if he asked. I feel much better about it now than I did this morning, and part of the is the ookiness of the dream wearing off.
Last edited by Dia; 10/06/0912:14 AM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
I'm sure that was the right thing to do, Dia. It is best to leave them to their own devices in the middle of something as big as that moment. It doesn't pay to overthink things. AND it never ceases to amaze me how a M and a W can see or experience the same thing so differently.
About 10 years ago when I had to go away for 2 weeks for job training, my H came to visit over the weekend. Had a great weekend, hot sex a number of times. When he left to go home on Sunday night, my love tank was full! H called me from the lobby to ask me if I wanted a copy of his parking receipt or something and I told him no. Come to find out, H was looking for a reason to come back for one last hug or kiss or roll in the hay and my saying no to the receipt seemed like a rejection to him, like I wanted him to go. No way, I was tired and pulled out the ironing board to get ready for the next day and wait on him to call me that he was safely home.
Sorry to hijack, Dia. THose things still stir up such confusion for me. If I wanted to go back, I would just have gone back!
BIM
BIM M 39 / H 40 / S 9 / S 6 / T 20 / M 11
my sitch: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1828127#Post1828127
We had an R talk over dishes today. We're starting to get into the muck of who hurt whom over what. I have been listening, validating and reassuring. While these talks don't have the glorious, snuggly feeling that some of the others have had, the fact that we're having them - and having them productively - is a good thing. It's like an abcess. Yes, things might heal over, but unless we cleanse the hidden infection, there will always be fever and pain.
We've been focusing mostly on his hurts and his issues, but some of mine have been brought up, too.
Word to the wise: It can be difficult and disorienting to deal with a spouse who is 'different', even if the differences are good. It destabilizes the relationship, and things will be a little uncomfy until the R settles into a new balance point.
What sparked this latest R talk was a comment I made this morning - "I could snuggle you forever." H mulled that one over for a whole hour before he brought it up. He said for much of the R, he felt like he loved me more than I loved him, wanted and offered more affection than I did. The imbalance made him feel rejected and unwanted. 'I could snuggle you forever' was how he used to feel about me, but it was clear to him that's not how I felt about him.
I apologized. He asked what had changed. I said that for one, I used to pull away if we snuggled and I got too hot. I'm not talking 'a little warm' here, I'm talking slick with sweat and he wanted full blankets on us. Now, my position is F being hot - I want to snuggle him. I also brought up time. That just like he felt he'd never gotten enough snuggling and how that made him feel, I'd struggled the whole marriage with wanting more time, and especially feeling like I had to compete with his computer. When I felt second best or like I was living on scraps, I didn't feel particularly affectionate toward him.
I said I felt we'd hit a feedback loop. He felt rejected so he'd withdraw. I felt rejected so I'd withdraw. Which just made both of us feel more rejected so we'd withdraw more.
He asked what was different now, and I said my perception was that I was getting more time than before. Even if it was just 15 mins of talking on the couch, it made me feel loved and wanted. He needed to think about that. He wasn't sure if the reality was different or if my perception was different. I said I wasn't entirely sure either. But I *was* sure of how I'm feeling now.
The talk ended quietly. We both have some stuff to think about.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
So if fusion (a la Schnarch) is bad, what's love like without it? Or is there an 'acceptable' amount of fusion? When you feel all of those gooey, 'never want to let you go' feelings... is that fusion or something else?
Please discuss.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
I did, however, poach the thighs in with the corn and potatoes then removed them to dice and return to the pot with the broth. I'll bring it back to temperature and add the cream when H gets home. So far, it smells and tastes amazing.