Hoping WAW will someday see through the fog....

[shellshockedga]

Well, another intersting evening. S10 went to bed wrapped in one of Ws sweatshirt and S12 continuned to blame me for Ws departure.

Before bedtime S10 sat down with me and had a long talk about what was going on, what would happen to the boys if we got divorced, what woudl happen if he had a step dad, etc. I slowed him down and said look, D is a word we are not using in our family right now. The most important thing to know is that I love you, your mother loves you and so does everyone else in the family.

He cried himself to sleep - again. Heart breaking to watch. S12 went to sleep OK, but an interesting change has occured with him as well. Since W left he will not sleep in his bed. He sleeps right next to me. Last night I even changed beds in the house in the middle of the night and he got up and found me and curled up next to me. This is something he has never done in the past.

Of course both the boys talked to her last night on the phone and begged her to come home. As I have stated in previous posts, it is amazing how cold the WAW can be to that suggestion. I do hope that at some point her "fun" times end and she sees the folly in her ways. I realize that I can't be the one to show her the right path, I just pray that someone will walk into her life and help guide her back to reality.

In the mean time, I need to think of more house projects. The bathroom was probably the most fullfilling thing I have done in the past 4 months. I wish I could post a pic for ya'll to see :-)

Thursday will be interesting in that we have agreed (in writing) that each Thursday both parents will stay in the house together and we will have a family night. Then Friday I will depart for a week. Since I will be gone for work most of the time, it shouldnt be too bad. The mountains for the weekend and then Cali for 4 days. This is pretty normal for me so I dont expect to feel a tremendous amount of pain, BUT who knows. Last night I noticed on our family calendar that the next Thursday (again, both parents in the house overnight) we are scheduled to go to church together as a family for a night of music. I am going to pray that that God will invade her body. But I think the forces of evil are strong in her right now (wait - was that a paraphrase from Star wars???) I need to get a new shirt and a new pair of pants and make sure I look my best. I want to make sure that she sees a confident guy, well dressed guy on Thursday. No whining, crying etc.. This will be my weekly chance to show her the new me.

Lastly, as part of my GAL and as a major 180, I have decided to finally get baptised. I am not telling my W right now about this. Once a date is chosen, then I can decide. I certainly would like her to be a there, but, I also dont want her to be selfish and feel as though this is for her and thus spoil the event for me... Much to think about there... But a huge 180 for me. One that I am very, very excited about. Any thoughts on how to handle this are appreciated.

OK, back to reality - GAL, 180s, stay busy, work on me, and be there for the kids.............