Mine went to bed the other night around 7ish. I thought he was probably going to get in bed and read, but soon after I heard him snoring loudly.
The mental stress is hard on us also. It's like waking up everyday and staring in your own scary movie. I think it's the emotional abuse also. The analyzing alone wears me out. And I know it makes no sense to do that. My friend said I should pray for GOD to give me blinders.
OMG with the sleeping and exhaustion. On his off days, my H has not spent more than 4-6 hours up and out of bed. Although I know he is awake more in his room, he has been just too tired to be up. They are avoiding the interaction and the thinking. It is part of the process as they move down their road.
Take it as a break for you. For your brain. We all analzye probably way too much. But in time, you can find a place where it doesn't wipe you out. Where you can see it, note it, and go on with your day.
The blinders need to be off IMO. Having a live in is really hard and really trying on everyone involved. But if the blinders are on, then when something is revealed, it is like going back to bomb day. With them off, you can see, know, and hopefully maintain yourself. For me, I feel it is a necessary part to my process. If I didn't see it every day, I don't know if I would believe it is what it is. I don't know if I would still be standing. I don't know if I wouldn't simply hate H for all of this.
MJ, still waiting for your thread...LOL
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Last night I had the blessing (and yes I realize it is a blessing) to have a "normal" H around for the most part. We were able to joke around a bit, I brought up an issue with S and he not only listened and engaged but stepped in to help with it. That is HUGE. For months - nothing. Now I feel like I can tell him about stuff like that and he does seem to listen, though really hasn't done anything to help out much. I still bring things up sparingly and it is nothing I can't handle myself (having done so for about a year now totally on my own) but they are things a dad should be involved with and he seems a bit more willing now.
Last night was enough to fill up my tank enough to keep going with a smile on my face. For today anyway. And yes I KNOW this is far from over but normalcy for a change was nice. And I do realize that I am fortunate.
I also came to the realization that I am not walking on eggshells so much around him anymore and relaxing more around him. I am not sure if that is the confidence I have in me or if it is because things are a bit better overall or both, but it is a good thing.
Sounds like you've been having some good days lately! I believe GOD shows us positive encounters sometimes to keep us standing when we feel like giving up.
Lately for me, when H is sitting in the same room with me I get so uncomfortable that I go find something to do. Last night for example, H was on his computer, with the TV on, in the den. All of a sudden he turned them off, and came to sit with me in the livingroom. I was so afraid he wanted to talk about R, or spew something , that I got up and got ready for bed. I felt bad that I left him sitting out there alone, but then I thought about the nightmare he's put me through. Maybe he had something nice to say, maybe he didn't want to say anything at all, but I wasn't taking any chances.
How do you keep from feeling uncomfortable around H? How do you avoid R talk if he starts to bring it up?
* For anyone who wants to read my thread *
It's called... "Who Is This Stranger Living In My House?" on the Newcomers forum.
I haven't had time to figure out how to move it here yet. Even though I had some good friends giving me good instructions
MJ- I never mind a "hijack." I did have an abnormally good night with H last night and it was after a day when I felt completely down and discouraged for whatever reason. I think I let a little thing throw me again.
To be honest, I don't feel so uncomfortable around H anymore. It is like we are roommates that get along well. He does not seem angry (outwardly anyway) at me anymore and also seems a lot more relaxed. Maybe because I am. I am trying my best to make home a "safe" place for him to be so he will feel okay to be here. And he also has not brought up anything remotely like R talk for months now, and I am steering well away from anything like that so that hasn't been an issue, fortunately. I would love to say that he must be confused and not know what he wants but at least a part of me thinks he is just comfortable now - I don't ask much, he comes and goes without answering to anyone, he really has no responsibilities at home (well, he takes none), etc. I am sure some would disagree with me for "letting" things be the way they are but I am trying to keep pressure off so he doesn't feel the need to head for the door.
Things are actually okay for what it is.
If you can't figure out how to do a link, just post a brief summary note here and start a new thread if you want.
That you are able to keep the pressure of is really good IMO. As far as "letting" things be, well the fact that he is still at home and you have reached a comfort level even sometimes is great. Sounds like it's working. Don't fix it if it ain't broke.
