8 months into it, first post

[EJohn]

Today, while picking my kids up from W's house, D5 asked me to come eat lunch with her at school tomorrow. She then asked if W could come to. W said we'd both be there. I don't have a problem being around her anymore, not that I really want to at this point, but I guess it gives me a chance to shine. My only fear tomorrow is giving my daughter hope that we're together. She's old enough to know somethings wrong. The first few months of the separation, while I was living at my parents, I would tell her that I was helping them. But, they are still young enough to "bounce back". It'll make my daughter happy to see us together.

Between the lunch tomorrow, and the class later in the week, that'll be the most time I've spent with my W since I moved out after Easter. Her weeks with the kids, I never see her or the kids, but my weeks, I see her everyday (just a few minutes each day) because she picks the kids up from the sitter. I work later than she does. Although, the few times that we did spend a few hours together (fair, birthday party) was when she would send me the getting back together emails. I'll just be the best me I can, and if she sends me any R emails, I'll just ignore them. Need to see real action from her first, because each time she's been with the OM either the same day, or the next.

Still struggling with trying to save the marriage, and just walking away. Often think "what would I do if we didn't have kids?" Just don't know today. One day at a time.