She just started studying a couple weeks ago for her realestate license. She is working with an exboyfriend of hers. He is helping her get going, so I believe he is giving her some properties to show.
Gina, I know she deserved a congratulations. I don't disagree with you. I looked at the text that she sent, I thought about my reply. I just couldn't say it. The hurt has been so deep that I replied with simply an OK. I guesss if it has taken 5 months to get to this point and she hasn't decided if she wants to work on it for the kids. Then last monday I asked her she wanted to really go to retrouville, After 7 days she still couldn't give me an answer, I guess I just didn't have it in me to be happy for her. Maybe deep down, I wanted the pain to end so I could detach. That if we did go to retrouville, it would just perpetuate this for another several months until we got to this point again? Did I expect that reaction--no? I just felt if it took her this long to decide, she didn't want to go. She wanted it to end.
I know that she has needed a sense of mission. She has said that she needs to make something of herself. She says that she is doing this for the boys. That I will never be supportive of anything she has done. The fact is that I have been supportive on so many things. She chooses to remember the times I wasn't. Such as:
-When she wanted us to spend $10,000 on an invention she wanted to market. I went to an attorney and the costs were even more than that. I went to a patent website and it was already invented.
-She wanted us to buy a $650,000 house. We could only afford a $450,000 house.
These are a couple of things that I had to make the call on. She started paying the bills finally and she admitted yesterday that I was right, we spend more than I bring in. I said I don't want to be right, I just want you to understand I wasn't this controlling guy. She then accused me of hiding money. I said you have got to be kidding, lets look at my w2.
What if did say congratulations. It wouldn't have made her love me again. I guess I knew that. Nothing I have said and done in the last 5 and 1/2 months has made one bit a difference.
She never tried for the kids. I can never forgive her for that. It has been an emotional day. Last night I just cried and cried. I know that I will make it through. I just look at my sons and they have no idea what pain lies ahead. My W can only see her needs. You are right, she is trying to find out who she is. But she didn't have to throw me out to do that. I would have been 110% supportive. But the only path she ever saw was alone. I just couldn't be happy for someone who has hurt me this bad and said that she doesn't care if she hurt me, love me...
Thanks Gina.
Your friend,
Danny.
Remarried 6 mo S 12 S 13 S 16 SD 12 SD 16 SD 17 SS 19
