New to this Community seeking advice

[JR09]

Journaling.

I'm still on my TDY. A lot of the other officers brought their wives. I really miss my W today. It's strange how I can be surrounded by a good 100 people and still feel so alone. I kept praying throughout my meetings. My W is only 300 miles away from where I am. I asked her if I could come visit at least with the kids. She said she'd rather not have me drive up. I really want to go because I am still married, I am still a father.

But the other side of me says that it's OK for now. I respect my W's wishes and don't want to create tension. I don't know if it's the right answer. But I chose to respect my W's concern and not drive up there unless she says otherwise. Someone told me I've completely surrendered my rights to my W. She is fully in the driver's seat. I am just a passenger. He kept telling me that I should be aware of the fact that I can only take so much and that it's Ok to ask for a final assessment of what's going to happen next.

I told him I haven't reached that point yet when it's time to move on. Maybe I never will...Who knows...I keep DBing and pray that my changes are noticeable somehow. I'm sure my W is also doing some soul searching herself. How much longer...I try to stay strong. I really try. Today was just hard seeing all these couples together. Tomorrow will be better hopefully...

JR