Going straight forward...antlers 5th thread.

[antlers]

Quick question. Why does it make her mad, or disgusted, especially after all this time (and especially after she told me she filed for divorce), for me to even mention to her that I am sad or hurt? She can't stand that! "Poor you", "woe is me", etc. I don't understand it?

If I imagine myself in her situation, I might be thinking something like, "Oh, so now you are hurt? Well, cry me a river, a**hole. You kept hurting me year after year and that didn't seem to matter to you. But now that you are hurt - am I supposed to care?"

Sorry to sound so harsh. Just trying to give you some insight.

If you contact her now . . . when she has told you not to contact her, this will just be seen as pursuing. If I was in her shoes it would seem like more of the same manipulation to get her back under your control.

How can she see the changes if we never spend any time together?

Purple is right. Respecting her wishes will be a change. She will notice that you are respecting her boundaries by leaving her alone.

Thank you Dudess for your explanation and putting it the way you have. Now, I understand it.

I don't take it as harsh. I take it as you trying to provide me with some insight, and you have. Thank You.

I have respected her wishes for the last 8 months. I have left her alone for the time that we've been separated. When she wanted to communicate, we did. She called last Friday and gave me a ration of crap over the phone. I listened and validated. She's still mad. At the end of what she had to say, she said she didn't want to communicate anymore except that regarding the kids. I still had some stuff that I felt the need to communicate...so I did, via texts. I don't intend to anymore. Especially after reinforcement from you folks here. It is so helpful. I know it's best, but sometimes our emotions get the best of us. I know that she knows how I feel. I'm human...and we are weak and frail sometimes. Especially under the circumstances that I've described recently. But, I felt the need, right or wrong, to say some stuff...and I did.


ps - thanks for being here. please stick around.