For those with a WAS...How do you cope?

[courts0818]

Hi. I've done a lot of fun things with my DD the last couple of days. On Saturday, I took her to see her first movie - Toy Story 1 and 2. On Sunday, we went to church and then I took her to a fall festival at a local landscaping place that has a petting zoo. She LOVED the petting zoo and feeding the goats and sheep. : ) And today, I stepped a little out of my comfort zone and we went to a playground and met some new mommies and kids. That was the new group I joined from meetup.com. I feel more comfortable hanging with people I already know, but I'm really happy I went and took some steps to make some new friends and get out of the house more. They seem like a nice group.

But I have to be honest, I'm having a hard time today. I've found myself in tears a few times and I'm not sure why. I guess it's just everything - it all feels totally unfair. I'm so angry and I'm so hurt and it gets really old just telling myself to be happy and act like I am.

And I feel such confusion over everything. I haven't seen H for 4 days and haven't heard much of anything from him. I'm starting to think he probably loves the fact that I've stopped contacting him - now he has even more freedom to do whatver he wants.

I hate what he's doing to me and our DD. I hate that I can't seem to get through to him. I hate that nothing I do seems to spark anything in him. He doesn't seem to notice or care.

At this moment, I feel like giving up. BUT...I'm not.

As for the 180s - IDK what to do. Not contacting is a major one, keeping my mouth shut (not nagging, complaining, saying stuff about his parenting...) is another one. And I suppose putting on some fake happy face is still another.

I'm sorry I sound like such a downer tonight. I don't sleep well and it's really catching up with me. I'm exhausted both physically and emotionally.

It's been too long living in this limbo land. 15 months ago he stated his unhappiness and we are quickly approaching 12 months since he last stayed in our house. Is it ever going to get better?

Gotta run for now - dishes to clean up, dinner to put away, laundry to do...you know how it is.