I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. These things are not easy, but hardly ever as bad as we anticipate. I also want to encourage you to take your xanax an hour or so *before* your meeting. It really helped me keep calm and focused during those first few emotionally charged face-to-face meetings with my H. I think it may make things easier for you as well.
((Fallgirl))
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
Mach, sorry, I think our posts crossed earlier on so I just missed your first one.
I dunno. It will be so difficult for H to come back after he leaves.
And I`ve been reading stuff on the boards which says to go ahead and date when other spouse walks away. Plus, God, I need not to be looking at this bloody empty lonely space for too much longer: I need some other distraction in my life!
I`ve been separated in the most difficult possible way for the past year-longer if you count his emotional absence.
No, I know that`s not as long as some of you guys have stuck it.
Just bloody too long for me!
And H needs to know I`m not going to sit around and wait for him to wake up.
I think all the thoughts running through your head are pretty normal.
I know there are different points of view on this, but I am not a big fan of dating until you reach the point where you are not working/wishing/hoping to restore your M. I think it can bring too many conflicting feelings, plus I don't think it is fair to anyone you might date, no matter how you approach it.
You can show that you are not going to sit around by not sitting around! That doesn't have to mean dating, just living!
It may be difficult for him to come home if he leaves, BUT it may be the only way for him to have the space and time to wake up enough to determine that he wants to come home.
What you are feeling is normal. I can't really advise on dating other than to say that yes, if you are still in a position of wanting to work this out, then dating is probably not the best option.
And to be honest, until YOU have healed your own hurt, your anger, your heart, and come to a place of real peace, and you will know when you are there, then dating is probably a mistake as well. Simply because you are going to be dragging someone else into your stuff. And that does not make for a good R in the end.
And that is truly what you want I think, a good and healthy R for your future.
Thinking of you today. ((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Thanks folks for all your prayers, posts and thoughts!
Phew! I`m out the other end of it. Only getting a chance to post now though.
It went ok. I took a xanax as advised by Twink(thanks Twink!) as I slept very little last night and was hyper anzious and weepy this am.
Nevertheless I wept through the first half of the session. Wept for the kids, wept for the finality of everything, wept because h was so grimly determined to get on with the business of splitting up. I tried not to but the tears kept coming-something H hasn`t seen in a long time.
But he was annoyed that I said H wasnted separation more than me and refuted that. But I siad we`d had happier times and that I wanted the kids to remember that their younger days in the family were fun filled and that they were conceived in love.Cue more weeping.
But that I accepted H was done and I would let him go in love and friendship. That I wanted him to be more involved in parenting but understood that through his pain that he only felt able to take a peripheral role lately.
I let H answer all the questions first-let him take the lead.
Things progressed very swiftly in the hour onto financial stuff which I hadn`t expected and was ill prepared for as neither of us had expected that to come up in the first session. That is H`s forte in any case. I just took notes.
We left sort of together. I suggested coffee(not DBing of me but trying to keep amicable footing for separation) but H was in a rush and suggested we chat in his car instead.
He was irritable. Nothing I could quite put my finger on.Mentioned an old girlfriend and said he had just been wondering if they had got married... That type of thing.Sniping at me.
I was just tired and wanted to get back to work so I didn`t entertain him for too long.
Got the puppy with the kids. To cheer them-and me!-up. We were due to pick him up tomorrow but had time this pm.
H was very cross by the time he came home. Why had I bought the dog today of all days... I`d played a great game in the mediators today.... I`m so clever...He even blocked my way from leaving the room at one stage.
I stayed calm throughout(God bless xanax!). His fury simmering over everything for the two hours since dinner. Even sent me a text to say "It`s over!" Watching me for a reaction he said I`d sent that text to him this year. I stayed calm but said I had a whole new perspective on our relationship since April.
I`m not quite sure why he`s mad. He`s got his start on mediation.
Its as if he sees this as a battle to see who`ll do best out of separation.
Well, you survived and that is behind you. I understand it must have been horrible. Your H certainly has issues that extend far, far beyond the marriage. Who knows why he is acting out becuase he got what he wanted, except he probably doesn't know what it is that he really wants.
I am so glad you got the puppy today. That will certainly help cheer you and the kids up. There is nothing like a puppy!!
