Hey Bobbi, I really like the approach you are taking now, its like you are drawing proper boundaries and not being yanked around by him.. and what does he do?? He asks where you are going and starts texting you about movies and stuff. God, its true, as soon as you start to switch off from them and REALLY let go, it drives them nuts.
And I must be crazy too, because despite that letter, I still dont think Dan is done with you. I just think he hates himself and feels disgusting and dead inside for the things he has been doing that he alluded to in the letter (porn etc, the twisted dark path or whatever he called it).. and that means he probs cant handle being with ANYONE right now. Not that that helps you of course!
Keep on keepin on bobbi, rooting for you, Love Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Why do you need to tell Dan that you can't hang out with him? Actions, not words BBJ, ACTIONS. Just don't. Turn down invitations, make yourself scarce when he's around.
I'm curious though....why is it necessary for Dan to come into your home when he brings the kids home? Why should he have the priviledge of putting them to bed? Yes, the kids want it, but things have to change and that would include his access to the family home.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
ps.. I agree with Mish, I was kind of surprised he was spending time in the home, not just dropping and collecting them. I was also surprised you asked him to take them over night Saturday on "his" weekend.. I would've thought his weekend included an overnight anyway, without you having to ask? Thats how we do it in the UK anyway.
His weekend would include overnight, if he had his house ready. But he doesn't yet and still lives with his parents and for whatever reason he says he cannot have them overnight at his parents.
So on the nights he has the kids, his responsibilities include bringing them home and putting them to bed. I don't think I should have to come home early on 'his' nights to make sure they are ready for bed...that will change once he has his own home and it won't be an issue.
So on the nights he has the kids, his responsibilities include bringing them home and putting them to bed.
Ahh...forgot about the whole housing issue with him. Yes, you're right then. As long as he has no real home to keep them at then he should be responsible for getting them to bed on the nights he should have them so you don't have to be home.
Of course, if he is dragging his feet getting that house ready so that he can keep the contact with you, then that is unacceptable.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Well, he asked me Sunday night if I was ever going to tell him about the snakes (in my brain)...that was the last time I talked to him.
Doesn't seem long but we pretty much haven't gone 24 hours without speaking unless he was out of the country....ever. And I am fine with it.
Actually he called me twice yesterday. The first time I was teaching and it just showed as a missed call, no message. So I didn't call him. Then last night we were at swim lessons and he called, it was on vibrate. He left a message to call him. So I did, about 40 minutes later. It went straight to vm with a message saying his mailbox was full. So I just texted "called you back" and left it at that.
I was feeling awful yesterday so I called my mom. She met me at my house after swimming and fed the kids. I went to bed from 6:30 to 8 and then got up so she could go home. Put the kids to bed and went back to bed. I never bothered calling him back and he never called me back either. I really didn't care I felt like crap.
Today I had to email him, Nathan had to turn in his conference form to set our appt. I emailed Dan the 2 days and time ranges. He replied back instantly that he was going to be going to Asia for 2 weeks at the first of November, so pick the second evening. He has mentioned ever since he took the job that he would have to go to Asia sometime, guess now is the time.
I am feeling 'blah' about everything today. I have not gotten the receipt of service from him, he told me again last Thursday he would get it back to me and he hasn't. He never commented on the terms I drafted either. I did tell him this weekend that since he got the power tools I would like a bedroom set. He told me to go get one at the big furniture store in Omaha and charge it to his account, he would pay for it.
So we are on some weird pause it seems. He said in that email 2 weeks ago he is done but he hasn't done a thing to help the process along. Ever since I went to the hotel Saturday I have kind of unplugged from him. I would push him on the D papers but I just have no urge to interact with him. I think I am tired of the whole thing.
Last edited by BobbiJo; 10/06/0909:01 PM. Reason: spelling
This sounds bad, but I am desiring some physical attention here! And I can't/won't do physical without emotional... so since I can't have an emotional and physical connection with my husband, I will have to have it with someone else.
And I won't go looking for someone else until I am single again. (See my backing out of the date with cute, cute Match.com guy for proof. )
So it would be wrong to email Dan and say, "Sign the papers already, I want to go find a man to make wild passionate love to", right??
)