Floyd, after everything that has happened that I know of, and yes it was 1 year of cheating and 2 years of continuing the A while he was gone and DENYING he had an affair with the spesific person he did have it, I know I still love him. Or as I have said before, I know I am attached to him in a way that is very very strong and could, under the right circumstances, flourish and become love again.
The problem is, I dont trust he is able to make the effort to create these circumstances. I am afraid I will end up in a couple of months resenting him for trying to push everything under the carpet until a new blonde enters the scene. I know I sound bitter but it is the truth.
Sunny and Ali both talked about a leap of faith. I am having difficulties with that since he doesnt DO anything.
A list of requierements? He has received at least 3-4 emails about what I need, how I dream of a good relationship and that was even before I confirmed the A. He never responded to any of those. And sadly, he doesnt respond now either.
I did tell him I want him to make it clear to her he wants me and our M. He says she is out of his life and it would be awkward to contact her out of the blue to tell her that since he already had the no contact discussion. To accept that, would be taking a leap of faith...
I asked for TIME. Something we BOTH agree is essential and played a big role to the break up of our family. And we say time, we both mean, good times, creation of happy memories, couple time as well as family time. He said he cant do much about that at the moment but he has a plan and should be able to put it to work, in the next 3 months.
Maybe I should turn this around and ask him what exactly is he willing and able to do and see if that would be enough to at least drop the D and take it slow.
mish, you are right. I feel I NEED the divorce more than anything. I hate to be living in limbo and have my life on hold. After what happened last year, I wouldnt even dream of "dating" while I havent signed the papers yet. And what you said about you, doesnt come as a surprise to me. I think all divorces that happen "fast" are at some point questioned by BOTH parties. K
