So yesterday I got a phone call from the W around the afternoon. I didn't pick up. She finally leave's me a voicemail. She tell's me she is going to drop off son to me because he is too much for her to handle at the moment. I didn't call back and just finish up on my cleaning. She calls back again and I didn't pick. So I decided after 20 mins to call her back. She told me she had called my mother already and is going to drop my son off to her. I asked what was going on with him. "He poured water all over my bathroom, and he is talking back and swearing at me." I just told her to drop him off to me instead. I wanted to bring it to her attention that maybe if she stoped swearing around him he wouldn't say those words. But I kept my mouth shut.
Nope, nope, and more nope.
I would tell her that she can't just drop off the kids when they're "too much for her" to handle. That's life, she has kids, she needs to take care of the kids when it's her responsibility & time to do so.
Leaving you has consequences, you aren't always going to be there to back her up and take care of her when she can't do things - it isn't your job to save her or take care of her anymore. It's your job to take care of the kids when you have them.
Another thing, your mother is your resource, not hers. She needs to find someone else to watch the kids instead of using you or your mother.
Yes you can be there in the event of an emergency but not when she "can't handle it".
She's a big girl, she needs to act like one.
If she can go out to the bar & clubs, she's old enough to do that.
If she can have kids, she's old enough to take care of them.
She doesn't have problems "handling" going to the bar.
No excuses with taking care of the kids when it's her turn to do so. Stop enabling her, seriously, STOP!!!!
WAS's leave but still require some security & assistance from their LBS's and that is one thing that needs to change for them to realize that when they leave you, they also let go of the ability to ask for your help and for you to be a resource when she needs help. You aren't a resource to her anymore, stop letting her use you. Stop enabling her, you currently are. Speak to your mom, I know she wants to help, she's a good grandmother, she loves your kids but she has to get on board too.
Your wife needs to get used to you guys not being there for her anymore - she needs to know the weight of her actions, currently she's living in fantasy land, and she needs to live in reality. No need to be mean about it, let her be her own support system. You don't need to be that for her, if she doesn't want you as a husband, she has to let go of needing you to take care of her and things for her.
I hope you understand this point, it's a hard one for alot of LBS's to take care of.
As for the car issue, I would tell her that it's her responsibility to learn this stuff now, you aren't going to do it for her - it's really wussy behavior to do these things for her, she's using you, she knows it, maybe it's about time you knew it too and stopped her from doing so.
She is going to exhibit alot of crappy & bratty behavior at your expense until you demonstrate that you respect yourself enough to stop her.
