Hey Kalni, I might not have ever posted in your threads before, but I've been reading for the past several months. I'm an old school DB'er. Divorced now, but still read from time to time and give input when I can.
It seems to me that deep down inside (through all the anger and resentment) you still really love him. Which is completly normal. I went through the same thing, although it wasn't years of lies like yours was...more like a single year.
I think your current goals (all jokes aside about the expensive gifts) should be for you to lay out in detail what it would actually take for you to reconcile your relationship with your husband. It might look like a mountain and seem like it will take years to accomplish, which it probably will.
Then, if you think it suits your goals, send those requirements to your husband. If there is a chance, you might as well show him what it's going to take. Just remember, those requirements will be some for you and some for him... probably most for him. Let him know that it's possible and even probable through all the hurt and anger and resentment that even if he does accomplish everything, that you still might not be able to forgive and take him back. If you can't, it's understandable. The hurt is really hard to get over.
It's just an idea, but I think if you find that you really really love him, then you need to lay out a course of goals and actions to accomplish those goals. If you really want to move on, then it's time to move on and not worry about his current actions.
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
