"I'm just waiting....I'm waiting to see when the crazy comes back....I'm waiting."
And anytime the 'divorce' comes up or you get bent about November... it does.
He doesn't trust your changes, and you show him he is justified when you fly off the handle.
I know he is the one whi had an MLC and your the one who gets to 'change'... that doesn't seem fair. It isn't, but it is actually better. Do you really like the harping and carping?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Hey Grace...no drinking is not his thing. He had a lot to celebrate and the guy with the hole in one was buying. It's rare he gets like that and I was surprised at the level he got to, but it's almost like truth serum with him. I forgot to mention, after he ate a whole pizza as he sobered up, he did say "I love you....but you're stupid." I took it and said nothing. That's the first time I've heard I love you since last November.
Well, I haven't flown off the handle in weeks now. So that's not exactly true about when D comes up as of late. Even when I was served, I was very calm. What else was there to do? Even with the issue with the lawyers, I spoke, no yelling. It's def. been a test and many a tribulation lately, but so far, so good.
I actually have been distracted from my R problems....something weird happened at work that should have cost me my job. But my boss, who is sticking his neck out for me, believed me so I am still employed, but I was stressed for sure. And H was very supportive during the last 48 hours.
He's been very snuggly and calling and texting a lot. So, I continue to lay low.
Our plans for our anniversary for this Friday are to go to dinner and maybe a movie. Nothing too crazy or with any pressure. We have a sitter so it should be fun. This morning he sent me an email with his weekend plans and ended it with "So how does all of that sound to you? How's it work with your plans?"
I do like my changes, they've been beneficial to me.
I don't know that I would have used this with the "stupid" comment attached, but the next time he says "I love you", you might try a response that shows how much that means to you.
That he is supportive about your work sitch and being snuggly etc is good. Do lay low and stay low and calm. Think non-reactive.
That you are celebrating an anniversary at all is great. He sounds like he's is working it with his email about weekend plans. You have alot going for you.
That you like your changes is great. Make sure they are for you and don't stop. We all have "miles to go before I sleep."
It's actually for him a thing of endearment....he says in a little flirty voice. By no means was it meant as an insult but at the same time I think it's easier for him to blame us both for getting to a point where he was comfortable going outside the marriage.
But again things are calm and normal.
He's debating what he wants to do for our anniversary. I want to stay in town, but we got tickets to a casino to see a comedian both of us like....so he's on the fence. I'm going to leave it up to him, but I would rather just stay put....do something low key for our anniversary.
I've def. taken ownership in this and my part. The difference is that he really hasn't. I'm in IC. He doesn't believe in C even though he compliments my therapist all of the time for her work with me. I could go on but what's the point? Either he takes ownership and we make it or he doesn't and maybe we don't.
"Is it more like you to do what you want or what he wants?"
Depends. If I want to go play tennis, I go. If I want to go to a movie with him, he normally is game. If it's his weekend off, he may go out without me. It's really a non-issue on both side what we do.
H has a family member, his mother's cousin who is dying. This guy was very much like a father figure in H's life. He's dying of cancer and doesn't have much longer. H is taking it as well as can be, but there's a strain there as I know he's sad. This is the guy that introduced him to being a hockey fan and H is a die hard fan....to the core. I'm trying to be sensitive but yet avoid the topic as I can tell H really doesn't want to discuss it. It's one of those things in life but it still really really sucks. I've never had the chance to meet this relative but have only heard amazing things about him.
I guess my concern is the impact this may have on H....will it be "I need to get out and live" or will it be "Love what I have and cherish it now"?
For our anniversary tomorrow, we're taking S to daycare and catching an afternoon movie instead of at night. And then later we're going to watch the blessed Yankees play game two. We were going to go to a restaurant I love and drop S off with friends, then a movie. But when I learned the blessed Yankees were playing I emailed him and said "Let's just watch the game a sportsbar and skip dinner and movie. With my luck, we'll be out A-Rod will do something amazing like hit a grandslam that leaves the stadium.....something historical will happen and you'll be mad at me because you didn't see it live. I really can't have that on my conscience. And if we do watch it, it's going to be just a regular win for the Yankees, but that's better than missing A-Rod make history." He laughed and said "Thanks Lovie". Later on he suggested the day time movie and said "So you'll get your movie and I'll get my game....everyone wins."
OK. Hope so.
Oh, and he's coming home later tonight, we just had dinner with him. He's going to go drink with some golf buddies and then come back here even though it's his night "off" from S.
S has been doing a LOT of "Daddy are you coming to my house? Say yes!" And when H tries to avoid the question with "I love you buddy" or "You're such a good boy" S doesn't let him off the hook. Kids are not stupid.
I have a question - I know your H spends the night at your place on his nights with your son. Did he ever want to take S to spend nights at his place? My H's friend and XGF have given him a toddler bed and pack n play to keep at his apartment, and he wants to start taking the kids for overnights...
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
Me:27 W:24 S:2 D:9 months M:3 years Together for 8 years Bombed : 6/11/09 Moved out: 6/27/09 Found out about her affair 9/7/09 (she started her's at 6/25/09) Begged n plead 7/25/09 started DB 8/17/09
