Gotta Keep Trying 2

[Dia]

It's a great example, Thinker - thank you! I'm sure I've been guilty of the same thing in the past. When you laid it out like then, my heart just sank for you. OF COURSE she should have been appreciative for all your hard work!!

On the flip side - and I say this ONLY to explain; not to defend - what may be going on is that many women feel overwhelmed on a minute-to-minute basis. We already have so much going on, so many obligations between work, kids, spouse and housework that every new thing that gets required of us means something else on one of the other lists simply won't get done. (there was an article floating around on here on the rise of stress and depression among women despite advancements in the career world which should have made women feel more fulfilled.)

So if we walk into a room and the vacuum is out of place, the immediate thought is "I'm going to have to put that away." By itself, it's nothing, a non-issue.

The problem is that the rest of our day goes about like this:

Walk into kitchen. Milk and sandwich fixings left on counter. "I'm going to have to put that away."

Walk into bathroom. Wet towels on the floor. "I'm going to have to hang those up."

Walk into living room. Somebody's socks on floor, sandwich plate by TV, soda cans and old mail on end table. "I'm going to have to clean this up."

Walk into the laundry room. "*&%#@*^!!!"

And if we don't do it ourselves, the alternative is constantly hounding people to clean up after themselves. So the choice for us is a) be overwhelmed and unappreciated, or b) be a nag (and still feel overwhelmed and unappreciated).

Either way we feel like crap!

Again - not to defend, only to (possibly) explain.

And, I will keep this example foremost in my head when my H does things for me now. It even dovetails with something H and I were discussing about kidlet. In 5LL, the book gives the example of a baby just learning to walk. If the baby takes two steps then plops on his butt, we scoop him up and shower him with praise. We don't say "You stupid kid. Why can't you even walk right?" But with a 9 year old, if we ask for toys to be put away and we come back to find only half the job is done, we usually GRIPE at the kid instead of praising for the half that DID get put away.

And I think this happens even more with our spouses - the griping instead of praising bit, that is.

As for providing, that's one thing I've been thanking H for very specifically. My income is not enough to live on by itself. So I've been thanking him for putting a roof over our heads and food on the table. In this economy, and with me having struggled with unemployment, the prospect of not having those things was closer than I ever thought I'd see it.