Thanks guys! You are probably right about the laundry. It's H's way to assert his independance now but it began a long time ago and I do believe it began with some judgement of my performance around the house. (I'm sure he's justified and you know what, so am I.) But I stated my feelings and I'm glad to get it out. If he keeps doing his own laundry, I'm not going to say anything about it again.
Talk about the universe speaking...it has been screaming at him!! Last night we were watching some shows he likes and ALL of them had mixed in storylines about marriage problems/affairs/seperation/forgiveness etc! Family Guy's storylines were SO relevent to us last night-LOL! Then an ad came on for that new Step-Father slasher movie! I am sticking with not saying anything about all this stuff the universe is telling him - he can make up his own mind. I do appreciate the universe though trying to at least let him know there are 2 sides to these problems and his decisions will have serious future ramifications.
Well H did come to bed last night about 3am. It was very nice to know he was in bed next to me. Now that I am putting the focus on GALing and beginning to fill the emotional needs of mine that he rarely met...I'm better able to handle him sleeping in the same bed - I don't feel so lonely about it.
Some more things that seem to get positive responses from H: * Letting him watch sports (not complaining or making him feel guilty) and sitting in the same room doing something else but kinda paying half attention to the game so I can respond if he says something about the game. Even reminding him or asking him if an important game is on that night. * Lots of thank yous - I try to thank him for day-to-day things that in the past I wouldn't have - like making the kid's lunch or picking up something from the store. * Not pursuing but doing considerate things for him (I see this as kind of another way to back up the sincereness of my thank yous) Picking up his favorite beer at the store. Asking him if he needs anything when I go to the store. When I buy our coffee, I always like one blend but he likes to try different blends to adding in some other types of coffees. None of it is really big gestures...just looking for small ways to show he matters. * I am slowly being more flirty and enjoying that I am a sexual person. (I'm no model but I can honestly say men find me VERY sexy. I suppress that side of me due to H's insecurities for a long time. I think because H was not treating me with the romance & love I deserved, it would be too easy that even though I loved H to be swept away eventually by one of the many guys out there who were more than willing to show me they appreciated me. I knew I was vulnerable to an affair years ago so I started gaining weight, not showing my sexy side as much, and letting myself go more to mom-mode to save the marriage... it really did help avoid an affair but did NOT stop other men's interest cold!) So H seems interested in this new, sexiness that he hasn't seen in awhile...but I don't know if he realizes this is not to get him back. This is for me....and yes, other men are noticing! I went to a gay club a few weeks ago with a group of about 5 other friends (they have a cross-dressing show there - it's something different - sometimes local college kids go there to prove they are 'hip', whatever.) Gay club...should be pretty safe, right? Well out of the six of us, a guy tried to pick me up! He talked a good talk and had tons of compliments to say about me (you're beautiful, etc) I was very nice to him but told him I wasn't looking for anything right now.
Good lord, what is going to happen when I go out to a normal bar or nightclub?? Now that H has taken away his love...if I met a good looking, nice guy who really, truly appreciated me and did some serious pursuing - would I really have the strength at this point to keep walking away? I guess right now the answer is 'yes'....for now.
