Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
well...looking forward to a good weekend after I take S to the doctor. I am not looking forward to this. The doctor said one more ear infection and on to tubes. This is the hardest part of single parenting...dealing with a sick child all by yourself.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
You know, tubes worked fine for my D. She was on antibiotics for 11 month straight, in an dout the hospitals etc etc. We did that, and...80% of all the sicknesses stopped.
I wish you strength. A lot of us here know exactly what single parenting is all about... K
Tubes can be a good solution. There's a book a nutrition counselor gave me when my daughter was born and I remember it had a section dedicated to ear infection problems. I think it's called super immunity through nutrition. I can't even remember the gist of it, but I think there was indication that some of these problems are caused by food allergies. Might be worth a read anyway b 4 going that route. If I find the book or remember the title I'll get back to you. Meanwhile, if you search the name I gave you'd probably find it. Single parenting is a big job. What a worry to be alone during a child's illness. take care
Alright so it has been a crazy weekend! Yesterday H calls and calls when he knows I am at church. Since my phone was on vibrate, I knew he was calling so I took the call. H said he is coming home and I am a little taken aback. I was planning on my brother and his family coming over for dinner after church so I told H that and he said that he was worried that they would be mean to them. I said he needs to get over it and he needs to prove to a lot of people he isn't going to hurt me anymore. Then H proceeds to ask if he will be a priority in my life if he comes home like if he is sick will I miss church to take care of him. I said I am not on trial here, but if he was honestly sick and not just having a cold, of course I would stay home to take care of him. I said I know what my priorities are and if he wants to come home it is his business, but I am at church and would talk to him later.
When I got home, some of his stuff was already on the porch, he doesn't have a key to the house. My brother and family were over so we ate dinner just like I had planned. I stopped to give H a hug when he came with another load. I then went back to eating. As we were moving stuff back in, OW text H but I didn't say anything. Then other sister-in-law, big family, text me and he says "someone checking in". I said yes, and got a little upset. He asked why and I said because although I knew OW was texting him, I did not make a big deal out of it. He then breaks down sobbing uncontrolably. He says how he is leaving again because this is going to be too hard. How he is just going to leave the state and never come back, and to move on without him. Don't tell S anything about him.
I proceed to calm him down and reassure him that he has taken the hardest step which is coming home. He kept saying he is going to hurt me again and didn't want to. I asked if he was going to be faithful from here on out and not abandon us. He said yes, and so I reassured him everything would be ok.
The rest of the night was good. We went shopping for a few things he wanted for the house (new sheets, some food, a thing for the shower). It was nice. We then played and put stuff away. We joked, smiled and laughed which was great. At night we slept in the same bed and at least were caring towards one another (believe me I know the physical stuff will take a long time to come back).
Right now I am very iffy on this whole thing. I don't know what to think. I am happy he is home, but scared at the same time that he is only home because I am going to see a lawyer. (my appointment is today and I am keeping that appointment). Last week I was at a point where I did not know if I ever wanted him back, and here he is. I just don't know. On top of it all, as I was looking for the key I gave him, I saw a letter from his parents. It said how they understood I had controlled him all his life and not let him grown at all. How the whole family understood how I had been a ______ to him the whole time we have been together and stunted his growth, then proceeds to say how he and OW should take things slowly and how his brothers would not accept her at first, but would with time. They would like her right away. I could not believe what I was reading. I have not said anythign to H because I didn't want to get do this during emotion and say things I did not mean. NOw this was written at the beginning of the summer BEFORE I had started to change me, but still it HURTS!
I just don't know what to think. I am very confused, sad, hurt, but at the same time happy. I want my marriage to work especially becuase I know if we can make it work it is what is in the best interest of S, but I am scared that nothing will change. H kept saying in his break down, "I am not strong enough". I am just scared that I am not strong enough for both of us to lean on.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
Right now I am very iffy on this whole thing. I don't know what to think. I am happy he is home, but scared at the same time that he is only home because I am going to see a lawyer. (my appointment is today and I am keeping that appointment). Last week I was at a point where I did not know if I ever wanted him back, and here he is. I just don't know.
I don't know if that's a miracle or not. I was shocked to read what his family wrote. At least in my case, her mother believes we should work it out although she's not actively lobbying. It's her friends I wonder about.
You've got a chance here to set some hard and fast boundaries and saying if they are violated then he should get out. You don't want to just start the cycle over again.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
In DR, it says that you should set goals for the other person's behavior (i.e. - I want you to give me 30 minutes of undivided attention every day, or I want you to take me on a date every other week or whatever it is you want them to work on) and to let your spouse know what your goals are.
At this point, it seems like you need to set some very clear boundaries and let your H know there are things he needs to do. Don't be pushy or nag, though. If you have DR handy, re-read the section on goal setting. It has some good advice I wish I had known about before the separation.
Me: 35 W: 31 D10, S7, S2, S11 months M: 11 years Tricked into separation. In Last Resort.
My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1800530#Post180053
Today I am at home with sick S. Although on antibiotic, he has a 101 fever. H is really being nice. He was really sad yesterday which I believe Lolal warned me about so I am grateful for that because I expected it. We are very awkward around each other. I know it will take time to get to know one another again, and fuse us back together but he is being really helpful, and not talking or texting OW when I am around. (I know he is still texting her, but it is a huge step that he is devoting time to me and S when we are all home so I will take the baby step)
Because things are still awkward, but improving, I have not touched the subject about the note from his parents. After a few days passing, I think it might be a non-issue just because it was written in April when he first moved out, before I started to change, and H did not do a lot of what his parents wanted him to do (much like I did not do everything people told me to do). I will probably let him know I saw it, but wait until the right time.
Right now I am struggling with how much to push him. For example he was sad yesterday, and I let him know I was there and asked questions to see if I could help, but he didn't want to give me anything so I just left it alone. Also he is used to eating dinner at 7 or later (when OW would get off of work), but S cannot eat that late because he goes to be at 8 so S and I ate at 6, but H did not eat until 7:30, which although he sat with us when we ate, I felt like I was not providing because H just ate a microwaveable meal. I don't know if it bugged him, but he always said that I did not take care of him enough so I don't want him to feel like I am neglecting him for not making him dinner later. I don't know. I am still standing strong and feeling really good about me.
I think my new motto is, I can control myself and S, but what H does is not in my control so no worries.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
