I think Socrates said "An ignorant man thinks he knows it all, a wise man knows that he will never know it all". Those are very powerful words when you think about. How many times in your life have thought that you knew exactly what was going on...and then found out otherwise? The only true thing you can know 100% is yourself!
Sharing the faxes and emails was very bad in my mind. First, the counselor already shared them with her. So the cat is out of the bag. The second thing is going to be your wife's reaction to them. I had a blog online and a journal that I let my wife read (regretfully). So in these documents I expressed what I had learned about myself (good and bad), thoughts on my wife and marriage, and what I thought was causing our problems. The reply I got back from my wife was that I was looking for a pity party from everyone else when nobody really understood her side of things. Just an example of how an MLC'er twist things to themselves. Here I was, just like you, acknowledging my shortcomings and my wife only thought it was a pity party and not the powerful insight into myself that is actually was. I have since learned that what she thinks can't really affect me and that I have to let it roll off. In my case, just last night, my wife got pissed at me for letting the kids play on the computer while eating bananas, but would never mention how I took the kids to there soccer games, made breakfast, lunch, and dinner for everyone, got homework done, got the kids bathed, got the groceries done, etc.....but you have to let there comments roll off. There are in the world of "me" and see nothing else beyond that.
I don't think that sharing the docs was a good thing. If you head (or gut or whatever) is telling you no, minimally sit on it for at least 24 hrs (personally I opt for 48 if at all possible).
Quote:
but would never mention how I took the kids to there soccer games, made breakfast, lunch, and dinner for everyone, got homework done, got the kids bathed, got the groceries done, etc.....
I have to comment on this from my perspective. She may not have commented b/c it's part of everyday stuff that needs to happen, so she didn't think it was a big deal that you did it. I can count on one hand how many times my H ever commented or thanked me for doing any of this stuff and I don't think he's unusual or unappreciative.
I read a blurb when my D17 was a baby that most men carry a child with their dominant arm b/c carry the baby is work. Most women carry with their non-dominant arm so they can work while holding them.
Subject, List and you may have to print of no need to reply
Did you get your tire fixed?
1.YOU AND THE KIDS ARE my number one priority. I can take care of myself.
2.Do not call my character into question again. I am not setting out to hurt you, your property or your freedom to do what you want.
3.I am frustrated with a situation, not you! But I do see your point, I didn’t like it when you told Dr. all the stuff about me. What I gave you last night should be anything that I faxed counselores, I thought they were marriage counselors. The emails were emails you sent me since June 16th, before we went to Orlando I had deleted all my other emails. When I realized we were being manipulated I quit. So now you don’t need to worry about what I’ve faxed about you. And when I talk to cnslr now, I tell him “THIS IS CONFIDENTIAL.”
4.I have the humility enough to know I don’t know everything, I will see any marriage counselor and all marriage counselors I feel I need to see, I told cnslr he betrayed us and he apologized and yes I am seeing him again. If you want names numbers, if you want to meet them yourself, no problem.
5.TheSuzuki is sold, the balance in the Intrust account is under $1800, I took an advance from work and matched your paycheck you did not pay off the Suzuki. I wanted you to have a new car, too. We should get refunded money from Farmers insurance and we may get some money back from Suzuki.
6.If anyone has asked me about you or us, family, friends, co-workers, I have only said we are separated. I have not and will not say anything bad about you. Especially too my family, they are hurting for us AND I don’t want them picking sides. My family thinks the world of you too!
7.If something comes up and you want to take the kids, just tell me, I am flexible, they’re kids they need to be kids.
8.October 17th is a family reunion, I’d like to take the kids after the game.
9.Tell me what nights work for you at any time of day to take the kids out for dinner or just get them out of the house. If you want to go out and do something, have time for yourself at the house or not cook or whatever just have them call me, I’ll come get them. I can let you know in advance if I have any plans.
10.I have a place that I am comfortable with for now, I don’t want the kids excited or worried about having a different home and right now they are. They were so excited about the place I had and you bought your car. I wanted to pay off the Suzuki and I decided they really don’t need the life experience of two homes.
11.You now make more money than me, so we will need to budget.
12.Thanksgiving take the kids, it’s important to your brother.
You want answers and action yesterday and you haven't even gotten the message yet.
Let her float in the wind with her stuff, and work on you.
The ONLY thing in that entire email that should have been said was the family reunion date want to take kids. Beyond that you are just hurting yourself.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
1.YOU AND THE KIDS ARE my number one priority. I can take care of myself.
2.Do not call my character into question again. I am not setting out to hurt you, your property or your freedom to do what you want.
3.I am frustrated with a situation, not you! But I do see your point, I didn’t like it when you told Dr. all the stuff about me. What I gave you last night should be anything that I faxed counselores, I thought they were marriage counselors. The emails were emails you sent me since June 16th, before we went to Orlando I had deleted all my other emails. When I realized we were being manipulated I quit. So now you don’t need to worry about what I’ve faxed about you. And when I talk to cnslr now, I tell him “THIS IS CONFIDENTIAL.”
4.I have the humility enough to know I don’t know everything, I will see any marriage counselor and all marriage counselors I feel I need to see, I told cnslr he betrayed us and he apologized and yes I am seeing him again. If you want names numbers, if you want to meet them yourself, no problem.
5.TheSuzuki is sold, the balance in the Intrust account is under $1800, I took an advance from work and matched your paycheck you did not pay off the Suzuki. I wanted you to have a new car, too. We should get refunded money from Farmers insurance and we may get some money back from Suzuki.
6.If anyone has asked me about you or us, family, friends, co-workers, I have only said we are separated. I have not and will not say anything bad about you. Especially too my family, they are hurting for us AND I don’t want them picking sides. My family thinks the world of you too!
7.If something comes up and you want to take the kids, just tell me, I am flexible, they’re kids they need to be kids.
8.October 17th is a family reunion, I’d like to take the kids after the game.
9.Tell me what nights work for you at any time of day to take the kids out for dinner or just get them out of the house. If you want to go out and do something, have time for yourself at the house or not cook or whatever just have them call me, I’ll come get them. I can let you know in advance if I have any plans.
10.I have a place that I am comfortable with for now, I don’t want the kids excited or worried about having a different home and right now they are. They were so excited about the place I had and you bought your car. I wanted to pay off the Suzuki and I decided they really don’t need the life experience of two homes.
11.You now make more money than me, so we will need to budget.
12.Thanksgiving take the kids, it’s important to your brother.
13.Christmas take the kids.
You sent her this?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
We all have a space between any input and our response to it. This is where we have to power to choose how we are going to respond. Our growth and freedom is in our response.
There is a famous quote regarding this, but I can't remember who said it.
Was there a sale at Home Depot for shovels? That is the only reason I can see for digging the hole you are digging. You need to stop communicating with your wife. She isn't asking for it and you are making things worse. You are trying to be nice, but the overtone of the email spews control to me.
You also need to let the counselor thing die. You can't change the past, what is done is done. Being angry at the counselor's at this point is doing nothing for you...well a little something...making you look like and angry and resentful person. When I failed out of college...I blamed the college, the weather, anything other than myself. I very wise man saw this and said to me "Look in the mirror and change things until you love what you see. Then don't rest on improving yourself. Ask your best friend what they see that needs improving. When you have done that...Don't rest...ask an older respected friend what they see....and when you have achieved the improvements that all three noted to be made...then judge others. The thing you will find...is when you have achieved all three...is that you won't feel the need to judge anybody, because you will realize there is only one judge of a person...and that is himself!" That was from a very wise man that I hold in very high regard!
