I think you need to use this 90 days to just turn it -- and turn your husband -- over to God. Only He can change his heart, and it sounds like your husband is still all about "me, me, me" and not displaying any deep and meaningful changes or character at this point.
"This is your mess; you need to clean it up" needs to be your mantra, and also "Commit nothing; expect nothing." If he promises you a bunch of changes, or even that he's now BEGUN them (and I suspect that he will, now that you've filed), then just say "That's good; I'm glad you're doing those things, for your own sake." If he asks you anything more specific, I would just say "I'm always open to what God has in store for my life, so I NEVER say 'never,' but for now, I have moved on," and let it lie at that.
One of the saddest and scariest things I ever did was to TRULY give my wife over to God. Oh, I thought I already had, but I hadn't REALLY, and it was one day -- when I was mowing the lawn, of all things! -- that I just gave her over to Him, and so there I was, tears streaming down my face as I continued to mow my lawn in the hot humidity of a Florida summer day.
That was only a few months ago, TWO YEARS after my wife's affair was started (and ended), that I truly "gave it over." It's like I had SAID all the right things, in prayer, to God about turning IT over, but I hadn't truly given HER over, kwim? So suddenly it hits me, who am I to NOT TRUST GOD HIMSELF to take care of her??? What, like I can do a better job of it than HE can?? It was earthly hubris and arrogance of me, and I was convicted for that attitude, and so I just . . . let it go.
Let HER go.
And the thing is, I believe THAT is when, I truly started to get her back, now that I look back on it. Don't get me wrong, I was dead 100% sincere and really WAS letting her go when I prayed it -- it wasn't some "trick" to get her back -- I was done, and was moving on. But now that I look back on the last couple of months, and all of the significant things that have happened in my marriage, I really think that it started that day as I mowed my lawn and just pictured in my spirit me holding my wife in my arms, carrying her, and laying her at the foot of the Cross and saying "You need to take care of her now. I have done the best I could, you KNOW I have, but I just can't do it anymore. Please love her, and take good care of her, and continue to let me know what I should do."
Puppy
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
