I saw this on Won’t Give Up’s thread and burst into tears, and I'm still weepy here:
Quote:
I love you sweetheart with all my heart, now and always!
I forgot how much I craved hearing something like that from my own H. He won’t. “Some things go without saying.” He used to. Maybe he won’t or can’t because he doesn’t feel it anymore. If that’s the case, stop toying with me and just let me know what’s going on. He said he wanted our next MC session pushed back a little further than weekly so that we would have some more to think and talk. He hasn’t said anything about our M since the last appointment.
We did have a money talk though. I think the discussion ended OK, butI don’t think he need to start the way he did. Here’s a few highlights, with the opener: “When I say we need to cut back, you go out of your way to spend more! You see it as a challenge to see what you can get!” H, I’m sorry. My rabbit cage needed to be replaced. If it’s that big a deal, it’s still in the box, I can take it back and wait some more. You said no when I first mentioned it, then you said “Go ahead.” “Because you gave me puppy dog eyes. You do this all the time! I said the same thing this summer and you bought something else- I don't remember what it was now.” I certainly wasn’t aware of any excessive spending on my part. “That’s just it! You’re not aware!” I’m sorry. I’ll take the cage back. “No, don’t do that. Just leave it- doesn’t make sense to return it and buy it again.” So fine, whatever. I’ll make sure to keep it to gas and groceries only this month. I did scale back the plans for D’s b-day this weekend. I guess that helped pacify him too. I think that item that he was bitching about from summer was the new vaccum cleaner. The old one broke and I didn't trust it not to damage the carpets. I'm not sure what else I could have done at that time. I told him before I went to go get it.
Our next appointment is this Thursday- it's when we decide if we're going to continue or not with the M. I'm pretty sure what the answer is. I wanted to try talking to him this weekend since that’s what he said he wanted to do, but I couldn’t find a good time. He had a headache and felt yucky all weekend, and was in a definite “keep away” mode.
I have been doing well at keeping the “no sex" boundary. It’s been almost two months now. When we were having troubles several years ago, I made sure to keep up with the sexual relationship to maintain a connection with H. During a visit to a MC at that time, he said he was just using me to get himself off, not seeing sex as a way to help maintain the marriage. That hurt like he!!. He said something similar a couple of years ago when I was mentioned a lack of reciprocity in certain areas. He said that he was often not concerned about me and was just satisfying himself, which I guess I knew by his actions, but it still felt like a sucker punch to hear. So I guess I shouldn’t feel bad about maintaining my boundary right now. I was having some self-doubts if I was doing the right thing.
He did give our D an inappropriate b-day card. I'm probably going to mention it at the MC. I understand where H was coming from, he was trying to make a joke, but it still wasn't right. D was trying to use duck tape to fix a favorite pair of sneakers a couple of weeks ago, and H found a card with a "trailer park" push up bra, made of duck tape. Inside says "Have an uplifting birthday!" That was so not appropriate. He sees no big deal, and I was shocked. I didn't know about it until he handed it to her.
OK, that’s enough for now. I guess I’ll keep a lookout for a time to talk, unless that was just a stall tactic on his part. Who am I kidding, it probably was. This is going to be a long week.
