So. Kids are in Mom's custody. At Mom's house. And Mom has a refrigerator full of...nothing.
If I was a 15-year-old babysitter, the nothingness of the fridge would be my business. Was I just supposed to let them be hungry until she got home with take-out? As the father, the primary caregiver?
So if a separated parent is online, surfing porn, with custody -- that's not the other parent's business? That's an invasion of privacy?
Or let's not be extreme -- the other parent just sits on Chat or the Crackberry the entire time s/he has custody. That's not a concern?
All of the above can be a concern, but it's still out of your control. Period. Unless you call a child protection agency. Or have an custody investigation done. Aside from that it's your opinion, something you disagree with.
You offered to babysit, she didn't ask you. Are you still doing that? Offering before she learns to ask? Clamp your trap and sit on your hands, fella! Part of this process is learning that on person does not have all the answers. And Smiley isn't supposed to do everything for every Body..
We all walk through the sludge of an upturned life, slipping, tripping and occasionally skipping on our way to firmer ground.
Tell her your personal life is off limits. Tell yourself that in regards to her (and her appliances) and you.
Let her shrink/psychologist be the one she turns to for her issues. It sure isn't working for either of you when she pesters you (and you reply).
You are no longer each other's emotional confidante. You are not her 'safety net' when you're going out and discovering life as a single dad. That comes through loud and clear.
Decide who you are. What your priorities are. And go from there.
As far as not kidding a kidder, I only got out of counseling what I was willing to put in. The more forthright I was, even about little things that I hid, the healthier I became. And it sucked. I sucked at it. But life got a bazillion times better... eventually.
