Trying to save my M. W not really trying though.

[Thinker]

But that's how paranoid I am right now. Every time I leave the house, I wonder if W and our S will be there when I get back.

etrain,

What I am reading in your sitch is FEAR. Fear that your W is going to do something, and that your whole life will end as a result.

This fear is going to destroy you, and and take any remaining R you have with your W with it. You need to deal with this fear. This work is on you.