eb- you and I need a lot more of the Love Must Be Tough method. As a matter of fact sounds like your going out a lot the past few days is having a good effect in your M. Great job. I'm going to do the same.
I haven't gotten too much from the Tough Love book so far. Honestly, I have seen the most significant changes in my sitch by being compassionate. I have told W that I can't imagine how difficult this is for her. I've told her that I am trying my best to understand. I've done more around the house and I've tried to stay out of the baited fights.
I don't know if it's tough love but I think that Coach really hit it head on with setting Boundaries. When I told my W the other day that I was preparing for her to be gone by developing a new life for myself (going out with friends etc.) I didn't do it in a mean manner at all. In fact, it was done with somewhat of a "Well, if you want to know the truth, I am trying to prepare myself for when you are gone. I had wanted my life to be our life together. With you leaving though, I realize that it's not turning out that way. I don't want to come home to an empty home and sit here by myself so I am developing a new life for myself." It was said with no anger or resentment at all. I set a boundary on going to her new place in a similar way too. Something along the lines of "I can't see myself having any interest in going to your place. This is a place that you will have chosen for your new life specifically to get away from me. It would be way to difficult for me to ever be comfortable spending time there."
It may not come across in typing, but it was said in a very gentle manner after months of being very compassionate and putting a lot of personal pride aside. I'm not saying that I disrespected myself, but I have made a point to evaluate my pride at times to see if it's rational.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
