NO....wanting sex more than ONCE PER MONTH is not slutty or off-kilter. Your husband not initiating it or responding to your advances IS THE ABNORMAL PART. Don't seek therapy for your normal sex drive....get marital therapy with your H, since he obviously doesn't see the need for sex in a healthy marital relationship.
Why am I so emphatic about it??? I thought exactly the same way you are thinking, and it's classic sex starved wife thinking.
My H was physically affectionate too. He never stopped hugging and kissing me, and spooning in bed is his favorite sleeping position. If your H never/rarely has erections from any of this activity, even involuntary nocturnal erections that he wakes and wants to "take advantage of".....something is wrong. I speak from experience.
Husbands often DO NOT want to admit there may be anything wrong with their sexual functioning. Be it denial or embarrassment or shame. If he EVER has a sexual urge or an occasional erection, he will claim...at least to you...that everything is OK. Don't let him get away with that. If you are hurting in the relationship...THERE IS A PROBLEM.
For years, my H gave occasional thought to the fact that he wasn't giving enough sexually to meet my needs and commented to that fact. (Poor me, though...what with all my medical problems and all.....sorry honey!) And I sucked it up for years without complaint, because I always hoped things would improve with time. But that kind of thinking goes against the laws of nature.....no nurture = decay.
While it is true that my H's lack of libido and erectile difficulties COULD HAVE come from his medical condition, it turns out they weren't really....they were the result of self inflicted conditions (smoking and overweight) and low testosterone. Treatable conditions, in theory, but my H wasn't willing to seek any treatment until given an ultimatum. With that ultimatum, I had him read the online CH 1 of SSM, since he is a computer oriented guy. Fortunately, it resonated with him and pricked his conscious and he did read the entire book with me.
While the book certainly helped us begin the process of working on things, he still has done his fair share of digging in his heels, and I have had to basically lead him by the nose....to other reading material, to the doctor, to the pharmacy, to Retrouvaille, etc. But....the results have been worth it. There were moments in the process which caused me to doubt, but.....it all takes time. And the longer the relationship spent in a sex starved condition, the longer it takes to dig out.
You're on the right track.....but you're gonna have to confront him on his bullsh!t.
