I don't think I should leave. Can I just tell him I've changed my mind about moving out? Leave it up to him to move out if he wants to? it wouldn't change anything really - he's just been sleeping elsewhere each night that he's off work. Will it drive him away if I try to tell him I'm not just agreeing to the separation?
I called him tonight. I said I was sorry. I said I know that he asked me for attention and I didn't give it to him. He said he appreciated me saying that. And it was a little different. He talked for a bit - about the kids and about the separation - but for the first time, he didn't seem in a rush to get off the phone.
So I feel like my next move is really important. I don't want to mess it up worse.
If you don't think you should leave then stay.
Don't let anyone control your life, allow others to control & what they want to do in their own lives but don't let anyone control your life. If you stay and he leaves are you able to pay the the rent/mortgage on your own? Don't expect anyone to do something you're not willing to do yourself. If you can swing the bills & the rent, then by all means, stay if you want to stay.
Yes you can tell him you've changed your mind about moving out. And you don't have to be afraid to do so either.
Leave it up to him if he wants to move out - remember do what you want to do and control your own life, let him leave if he wants to leave, allow him to control his life, you couldn't control him even if you wanted to.
You don't have to agree with the separation, if he wants to serve you with separation papers, you can't control that regardless if you agree with it or not. Let him do what he must do.
Be a friend to him, let go of your need to keep him.
In the end what most if not all of these issues boil down to is unrealistic expectations. He expects you to be a certain way, you expect him to be a certain way, release the expectations, attached to those expectations are tons of pressure that people don't want to bear the weight of. It's not that you can't ask for things but you should make it clear as to what you want and don't rush getting what you want and vice versa.
Give him attention, make him feel loved, accept that this is a difficult decision for him as well as you. Don't expect anything in return, in fact let go of your expectations and this may be the hardest thing for any of us to do. Learn to be happy & take care of yourself and allow him to learn how to do the same thing and don't force the pace at which any of this happens: slow is fast and fast is slow.
