Update: Complicated is what life is! But it is true that A recovery means recovery in everyway. Learning to cope without a diversion that numbs you etc.
I am not sending the email at all. I left a simple phone message about how we could have spent the whole weekend together if it weren't for the negative thoughts and doubts lingering. He called and apologized. He offered to come over and help me with the house and shopping. Explained simply that what he learned this weekend was how talking about things too much doesn't fix anything - it only puts us further apart - basically saying that it doesn't work. He took responsibility for saying things our of anger and not really meaning them without thinking.
About me - I learned that I can make mountains out of molehill's too. I have been trying to figure out how to navigate his recovery and our relationship and my own stuff. Most of the time I am ok - but I always had a limit as to how much I can handle. H does get obsessed with things but i have been unable to detach from it. I have always seen life having too many interruptions and somehow I see them as taking away from me the things I love and forcing me to focus on things that I don't have time for. (Did that make sense?) I am a very organized person and I do manage a lot in the course of a day fairly well, but I guess I have certain expectations that interfere. Need to work on that.
I am not taking the responsibility for H's behavior - can't and doesn't work - but just trying to understand my own. For the first time in 27 years I am on my own again and it is easier to see how things affect me (not the people)- not that people can't help more than not - but I could do more and I could just be ok with what I can do and let the rest go.
