@pollyanna: Is SP going through the anger stage and this is blinding him from knowing what he really wants ? He might not feel angry but I think his posts ooze it.
Oh no question -- I'm very angry (again) but it's not blinding me from knowing what I really want. What I really want is PROOF that WAW is no longer WAW. Because I'm not taking WAW back.
Its been a long time since I have heard any of Mrs SP good qualilites. Has SP forgotten them.
No, not forgotten. Mrs. SP has heard me speak of her good qualities often -- when we were sitting on a bench outside a restaurant after our last session with Fab MC#2, and she was engaging in what I'd come to call over the previous 20 years her "ritual abnegation," I went through the lot. She has lots of good qualities.
More's the pity that they're no longer much in evidence these days.
How does he save Mrs SP?
He doesn't, full stop.
I'm not in the saving business. That's Jesus' job.
You want to talk angry -- this makes me angry. The Left-Behind is put through the ringer by The Work -- figure out what you did wrong, fix it, GAL, 180, change, reevaluate, reassess, own up to your mistakes, live the changes... and keep on living the changes until WAS notices and believes, and that could be weeks or months or years... but keep on changing and keep on living the changing and keep on changing the living ... and don't pursue, don't show emotion, act "as-if," don't rescue, let the WAS come to you..... It's ALL ON YOU, Left-Behind. YOU have to "save your marriage."
The hell with that, says I. I don't do Corinthians. I keep score.
So now what? Forget all that, run back at the first possible-theoretical-hypothetical sign of rethinking by WAS -- crowd WAS, "save" WAS, bundle WAS back up by the familiar hearth, reunited and it feels so good?
Bullsh*t, says I. Let WAW Herself do some friggin' Work. It was my job to save ME (okay -- and to save Ferris, but that's another story).
'Tain't my job to save HER. If she gets saved and straight and "right with the lord" (metaphorically speaking), then she'll be someone I'd be a fool to not take back. Right now, she's someone anyone'd be a fool to take.
If she wants to come right out and say, "Smiley's Person old boy, I f*cked up. You got right, so now I'm gonna get right. And when I get right, I hope you'll be open to opening the door at that time. To exploring it all again."
And I'd say, "Sounds fine to me."
But I'm not fishing, I'm not reading between the lines, I'm not mind-reading, I'm not getting off of MY PATH, and I'm damn sure not picking up the threads on the basis of her oblique, half-confessional, half-commitable behavior.
I've been Rolling My Way all along after I got right with the gods that fine, rainy, Big Midwestern City day. And I'm not stopping.
Reassure her that Miss someone is not that important at this stage
Told her a thousand times if I've told her once. She WANTS Miss Someone to be that important -- for one, I suspect, because it helps rationalize her whoring around European City (her words, by the way). And for another because it comports with her recurring "no one will ever love me so I'll be all alone" mantra which, I think, is supposed to make me feel bad but actually just irritates me because -- forgive me for saying so -- this all falls into the category of things that might have been good to think about yesterday.
SP may not really want this m and I think now would be a good time to search his soul. Not keep her hanging.
"This m" -- you mean, this relationship with this WAW? Not even no -- oh hell no.
Some future version? Some honest and forthright and not-lying and not-information-hiding and not intention-misleading and un-Crazy Train driving Mrs. SP?
Maybe. Who knows if she really wants a relationship with me? She's on the run.
IT'S THE FEAR. And we all know how sound one's decisions are when taken in THE FEAR.
She's running.
She's running from THE FEAR, the fear of herself, and where do you run when you have no place left to go? You run home.
And no hanging-keeping involved. Here's what I told her, bold as brass, after a telconvo in which she assured me "he was great":
I'm happy for you, really; you need it. But it doesn't change anything. First of all, you're not hurting me. "Oh, no, Mrs. SP bl*w someone and she wouldn't bl*w me." News flash -- I got used to it.
Let me be as clear as I can be: I don't want to reconcile with you right now. I don't like you right now. I don't like who you are, I don't like what you do with this on-again/off-again with the Crazy Train, and I have no intention whatsoever of putting up with it for a minute.
Mrs. SP: What? Are you telling me you're "done"? Trying to get back at me for saying that to you -- so lame.
SP: Nope. Telling you I'm done for now.
I don't see what she's doing as vulnerability. I see it as Fear.
And until she has the confidence to Walk Her Way, she's on her own. I'm not shouldering the load of anybody else's Fear. Not anymore.
Sell The Fear someplace else; we're all stocked up here.
