One thing, 25yearsmlc, that you need to understand is that WAW is a survivor of sexual abuse when she was 12.
She doesn't trust men, so she uses them. I was the first and only man she trusted in her entire life. Seriously.
When I lost it, due to my breakdown and subsequent alcohol abuse she had nowhere to go. Not to her father, who didn't protect her and to this day 'wonders' if she made it up.
Not to her mother, who, when WAW was 17 divorced her dad because she was just 'unhappy'. Her dad was a workaholic, who was just trying to make his family be comfortable. She chased other men, and he, because of his upbringing, was not emotionally present.
When she decided to come live with me, he said "Good luck Frank, she's your problem now". I thought he was an a-hole for saying that to me.
I have protected her, encouraged her, loved her when she cheated on me and protected our kids from her emotional outbreaks.
And through all this, I have still loved her unconditionally. Still.
I speak my truth here. 25, is right in that I have been slow to detach. And my counselor and others have told me that detaching will break the cycle. And it has to happen.
I love my daughters, more than anything. Here's what's weird. I never wanted kids. Never. WAW desperately wanted them. Like they would fix something for her.
Now, I feel so blessed to have them. But they don't get along with their mother.
That kills me because for al the years of their pre-teens I gave her all authority over how to raise them. I felt I was not qualified to be a dad. How messed up is that?
Well, today I feel like I am over qualified to be 'dad'.
I want to help WAW, I want to call her and tell her what D14, and D18 have said to me. They love her but do not want to spend too much time with her. However, that would not help her in any way. And 25, it's not part of the 11th step prayer.
I know why, I've heard it over and over. She takes things personally, she attacks their beliefs. she treats them like they are 8 years old.
Or worse, she treat D18 as if she is going to become the slut WAW was at her age. She talks down to her and projects her own mistakes on her. D18 has told me over and over again how she hates that 'mom thinks I am as stupid as she was when she was in her teens"
D18 is in a committed relationship with a very good guy who is not perfect, and is capable of talking through issues.
I'm not keeping a scorecard. I'm really not. I'm asking for help as I try to understand WAW in the context of her relationships with out daughters.
I realize I f'ked up because I took on the responsibility for someone who is likely bipolar, who needed me to be the strong man and when I failed she reverted to the only way she knew how to live.
Right now, I only want to do what is best for my girls. If you care about us, and I know you do, help me to focus on how to raise 2 teenagers who love their parents, see their mom as a mess, and see their dad as a strong man with a lot of issues he is working on.
I KNOW I am the warrior. I know this. It doesn't make me better or lesser than WAW. It make me strong.
