Thank you for your "fresh eyes" on my situation and feedback. My emotions are all over the place these days with D-day approaching. H has clearly reached out to me as an anchor a handful of times in the past 4-6 weeks. For example, the day he spent 14 hours moving his mother to her new apartment 1 1/2 weeks ago (I and other friends offered to help, he had paid movers and declined help) he texted me at 10pm to tell me he was exhausted from the day and has e-mailed and asked to me visit his mother and vent to me about that situation and work stresses a number of times. Yet there continues to be something blocking forward movement. Jody (DB coach) and I haven't been able to figure out what it is since he has only had one 9 week relationship that ended 1 month ago. He DOES still seem pretty irritable/depressed. At this point that is the only explanation we've been able to come up with.
I just got home from an evening spent at the home of dear friends. They invited me for dinner, saying they were having a group of people over. When I got there it was only this couple and a single male colleague from work. I was a bit surprised at the arrangement because this couple doesn't know my D-day is approaching. They only know that I am separated. It was a nice evening, but it made me really sad. The evening just underscored for me how much I miss my H. My emotional response to this evening really surprised me and showed me that I am not as close to throwing in the towel as I thought I was.
GAG - lots of positives from the date! Not sure how long he's been in MLC so far but I've heard it can take a long time (years) for men to fully get out of MLC. I hope that won't be your case.
To GIMA and the other men out there, it occurs to me after seeing Mishka's reply that these household tasks are a pretty simple but easy way to score points with the woman in your life. Would you men out there please be willing to share with us women what YOUR equivalent to these small, but thoughtful gestures is (share here or on my thread (www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads...rue#Post1849795)). What small, simple gestures speak volumes to you that a woman cares?????
OK. Here's a few things.
1. Showing interest (not necessarily BEING interested in) in something she knows I love - sports, golf, grilling, fishing. 2. Telling me thank you when I have done something for her. 3. Taking the time to find out what some of my favorite things to eat are and then making some of them. 4. Telling me what she admires about me. 5. Telling others what she admires about me.
We men are pretty simple creatures. LOve us, show us you love us, stroke our egos.
Well, I guess all men are very different then. I always did all of those things and still ended up being left. Either men are extremely different, or I'm extremely ineffectual. Hmmmm...more to ponder I guess.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Well, I guess all men are very different then. I always did all of those things and still ended up being left. Either men are extremely different, or I'm extremely ineffectual. Hmmmm...more to ponder I guess.
No, one person cannot keep a M going for long. Nope, you are only one of the two players who had a role in ending the M. And given your sitch, you may have had little to do with that.
"Would you men out there please be willing to share with us women what YOUR equivalent to these small, but thoughtful gestures is"
It's a strange thing, but I'm realizing I want many of the same things W has wanted and STILL thinks that I don't.
Kisses/hugs for no reason.
Love notes.
Cuddling on the couch.
Surprise phone calls to say I love you.
Really simple stuff. Just her going out of her way to make me feel important.
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
Great question GAG and thanks Mark and GIMA for your suggestions. I'm going to write these down for reference. Not sure H would cope with Mark's suggestions just yet, but I can be optimistic!
