Positive developments? #2

[jon2911]

Quick text from W on Tuesday asking when we changed insurance carriers. I responded and she said "thanks". Hanging in.

[jon2911]

Question to my DBing friends. I just talked to a nurse friend who said that W should definitely have her cervical biopsy results by now. They did it on August 19th, our anniversary. She said usually a week, but not longer than two.

My friend was really surprised that W hasn't called me. Really hurting over this. I don't want her to think I don't care, but I'm not feeling that a conversation would go very will tonight. Will probably call her tomorrow. Thought?

[MichelleLT]

Any word yet?

How do you think a concerned text would go over? "Hey, just wanted to check in and see how you're doing. Hope you're well."

[jon2911]

Michelle, I think that might be a good idea, though when W text me like that it comes across condescending. Maybe that's just the way I take it, but I think "of course I'm doing OK, you think I'll fall apart or something?"

What do you think about asking directly about the test results through text?

[jon2911]

Well, I finally called W yesterday morning. She sounded busy, and told me she couldn't talk long. I asked how her tests went, and she said they came out negative, but they'll need to watch it closely for a while. Good news!

She said "thanks for checking on me, that means a lot". Later, she called and left a VM, apologized for being in a hurry and explained more fully. She never leaves VM. Interesting.

I went to a free show by a band called The Polyphonic Spree, which was incredible. They're originally from Dallas, but based out of L.A. now.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyphonic_spree

At 12:15, I got a text "can you talk?" I called her, and she said her head was really hurting. We ended up talking for an hour. I learned that she's been out of town for a month visiting her sister in New York. It was a great trip. So, that explains a lot. She's been too busy to feel lonely.

The talk was very nice, talked about Grey's Anatomy starting back up, and other things we enjoy doing together. I even took a risk and invited her to the State Fair, which starts this weekend. She said "I don't think that's going to happen", but it was a very half-hearted rejection. For a night, I didn't get the Ice Queen treatment. Borrowed the book "Horse Whisperer" from a friend, I feel like it really applies here. Wrote about that earlier in my thread and need to find it.

Taxes are due October 15th, so I'll need to get started on them soon. Not this weekend though, I'll be having too much fun!

[Goodfight]

Hi Jon,

Sounds like things are getting better for you. I'm really happy for you.

[jon2911]

Hi Jon,

Sounds like things are getting better for you. I'm really happy for you.

Doesn't feel like it from here, but thanks for the encouragement!

W called yesterday, she needed help with some computer stuff for her upcoming family reunion. I already knew about it because the invitation came to my house. I joked about that and was light, but she apologized and told me to keep forwarding everything to her. Her expectation that everyone in her life will act as if I never existed bugs me, but only because it's so unrealistic.

Good talk overall.

[LolaL]

Hi Jon...it does seem like you are getting some positives, and yet it also seems like things are kind of at a stand still. You are looking at being separated more than two years now, so I wanted to ask if you have done anything to shake things up lately.

How long has it been since you saw her?

[jon2911]

Lola,
I saw her last on our 4th anniversary, August 19th. She spent a month in upstate New York after that. Isn't that where you are?

I shook things up quite a bit, by telling her she couldn't control who I talk to any more. So, that didn't work so well. I just read a great blog post by MWD, trying to figure out how it applies to my sitch:

http://divorcebusting.wordpress.com/2009/09/28/cheeseless-tunnels/

[jon2911]

Well, here we go. Yesterday she called and texted. I was busy, but called her back later. Her computer told her to contact tech support, and she said "you're my tech support, I'm calling you." There was a softness in the way she said that. Very different from the last few months. I tried to help but it turns out she needs a Windows CD. I offered to mail her mine, and she said she really appreciated it. I ran into issues getting it in the mail, called to apologize, and she said "taxes are due next Thursday, right? How about I come in, and we do them, then go to the State Fair?

I told her that would be great. So, my little hint dropped a week ago worked. State Fair should be a blast. It's Texas-OU weekend, they play at the Fair and it's always fun times here in Dallas.

Now that it's sinking in that she's coming, I'm scared to death. It's been so long. Had some guys over tonight to play music, and worked all day on the house to get ready. I've really let things go around here. Without W coming into town, it's hard to get motivated. But now my place feels nice, and I'm enjoying sitting here. I need to be confident and have a good time next week.

Last week I tore through "The Horse Whisperer". Wow. Highly recommended for everyone here. Several parts really got to me, especially where it says that we inflict the deepest pain on those we love the most. The daughter realizes that her silent treatment is really getting to her mother, who's always been buried in work before. At one point, she has a good day training the horse, and starts chatting with her mother about it. It feels like old times, and the mother tries to act nonchalant and not overreact. Then, the daughter remembers that she's supposed to hate her mom and not be nice, so she goes back to her old behavior.

Sound familiar to anyone? I can't take these rollercoaster swings any more, because the good times make me remember how much I miss my W. But i know it reminds her as well. We'll see what happens next.