Of course he was upset, said he wished I wouldn't have sprung it on him like this, he wished i would let him do it his way (spend time with me to build a connection again). I told him that couldn't happen when he's seeing OW. Oh and he said he would have stopped seeing her, he would have given me his phone bills, he would have blah, blah, blah. That's not what I heard during our last serious conversation in June - what I heard was "It's ending, soon, I'm telling you. It's fading away." (Uh, how about being a man and just ending it NOW?)
He dreams about the good times between us.
He is so unhappy with his life, he doesn't know what to do.
He asks God to help him, but He hasn't.
He knows what he is doing is bad for him but he doesn't understand why he is doing it - it's like a person who smokes cigarettes, they know it's bad for them but keep on doing it.
He will sign the papers if I can tell him with 100% certainty that our marriage cannot be saved. I told him that he can't do this to me now.
He's just plain miserable and if he doesn't become happy someday, he's just going to end it all.
He thinks about me, but I seem happy and so he figures he should just leave me alone. Besides, he just doesn't know how he will handle dealing with my parents.
He cried and said that he really has nobody, not like me who has my parents.
He doesn't want to lose me because he knows just how special I am and it will be hard to find anyone like me again. And maybe I'm too good for him.
He hasn't gone to counseling because he doesn't think it works (How would you know when you only went twice in 3 months?) and he doesn't have time with school. Uh, you don't have time to improve your mental and emotional health which is a train wreck right now???
After he left he called me to thank me for still supporting him after all the awful things that he's done to me.
It is very sad. I cried at the end when I told him that I am so sad for him. He used to be this loving, charming, personable man who lit up the room when he was there. Now he is bitter, unhappy, sad and lost. What a waste of someone who has so much potential.
Today I called him to ask him if he would watch the dog while I went away next weekend. He told me that he talked with one of his coworkers - her husband cheated on her many years ago. They are still married but she told him that to this day, it still hurts.
Maybe I am all wrong here, but I told him that I have no doubt that we can work out our M. But I can't do it on my own and he hasn't done anything these past 15 months.
He said he's going to start going to his counselor. I'll believe it when I see it.
Truthfully, I don't know if I'm insane to hope that this M can be turned around. He doesn't know the Lord and that scares me. In fact, he is very resistant to Christianity but somehow I think that God will help me with this situation if we were to get back together. I don't know if I am just a naive idiot or what.
Right now I think it's a lot of hot air and I'm not getting overly concerned. My plan is to apply and attend Naturopathic Medical school next fall. I don't know how that will work since H is going to be stuck here at least until Feb 2011.
This situation is going to get somewhat sticky - 90 day waiting period in IA and I don't think H is going to file a response. So then it will be up to me to file a motion for a divorce by default.
It kind of makes me angry that H has put me through this and then it seems that he is going to make it even more difficult and painful for me. It's selfish if you ask me. But then what do I expect from someone who is so messed up?
I am going to go pray about this now.
Puppy, if you have any thoughts they would be appreciated. I know you are busy helping others out but any advice would be appreciated.......
M:36 H:36 M 3 Y T 8 Y No kids Bomb 6/30/08 PA I filed 9/29/09 D final 1/22/2010
