Thank you everyone for checking in on me, I'm just stumbling around, getting through the day, but not being very productive. Though I did de-clutter the kitchen for 15 minutes. I did write huge on my bathroom mirror with lipstick: I'm worth it. S7 said, if Daddy was here he would be mad at you for it. I just smiled.
Deb: You are right, I need to work on me, H isn't really the focus at this moment. He did call at lunch time to ask me to lunch, something he had not done for many months. I let the machine get it, I did not pick up.
Opt, I know it will get better, so many of you are examples of that on this board.
Manisha, of course you help. Just knowing you are here and you have survived something very similiar. He is to tell his parents tonight, I wonder how that went. You are right, the kids are secure in my love of them. They strive to please H and want his time. It is good that they love him and I hope I never do anything to try and get in the way of that. I know I need to take better care of myself. I have been eating candy bar after candy bar, Halloween treats are not good at this time. I plan to pack up the rest and give to the kids to take on their trip this weekend.
Sue, It is a whole new journey. One that will take time to get used to, I assume. I was cooking the kids their frozen dinner and sure enough there was the logo for H's company on teh box, and damn if that didn't have me burst out into tears. Been great the whole day, and then this one small thing.
Mockers, as always, thank you for your thoughts. I won't be in his line of fire anymore, he will have to find some other reason that he does not feel alive. I need to find out what I'm all about. Been too long.
I've been working on a list of Get a life and 180s I can do. Also working on my goals list.
PHYSICAL ACTIVITIES Exercise Walk around the block Take up a new sport: Kayaking Weight lifting Jogging Train for a marathon Soccer Biking Target Shooting Karate Tennis Skiing Snowboarding Scuba Boating Golf Swimming Hiking Cross-country skiing Yoga Aerobics
PERSONAL APPERANCE Start to wear perfume/cologne Change your style of clothing: skirts, not slacks, heels, not flats, new colors, loafers, not sneakers. Get a new haircut/style Change your hair color/add highlights Get a pedicure Get a manicure (men too!) Get fake nails Shave/Don’t shave—grow a beard, mustache, or soul patch, shave your back
HOBBIES Take a class: cooking, painting, yoga, pottery, meditation, photography Join a book club Start a book club Take up gardening: plant bulbs for spring (still okay until the ground freezes) Learn a new language Volunteer: Senior Center, Hospital, Animal Shelter, Non-profits Go to Church/Synagogue Explore a new religion (Soup has a website for Buddhism) Website recommended: pathways-to-peace.com Learn about Feng-shui Learn a new instrument Learn to knit/crochet/cross-stitch
PERSONAL WELL-BEING Eat Breakfast Eat well Change your diet –switch to low carb/low fat, many out there to choose from Change the type of food you cook---explore a whole new ethnicity Sleep Tickle the kids Call Friends Read Self-help books Create Goals Read Success Stories Go see a therapist yourself Make a list of all your good points and talents Lose Weight
BEHAVIORS Begin to have an organized home (recommended website: flylady.net) Find a new way to drive to and from work Shop at a new grocery store Change the type of toothpaste you use Be home when spouse comes home/ comes over Don’t be home Wait to return calls/emails—a day, a few hours, whatever is different Change the medium of contact—phone/email/letters Learn to flirt. Practice on people you don’t know Break Plates to release anger (garage sales would be good to stock up on these) Become Mysterious Stop initiating any conversations Go to another room when spouse comes home Stop interfering/helping spouse with relationship with kids Don’t make plans that include spouse Stop keeping spouse informed on kids Stop confronting spouse Leave the room first End the conversation first Go one day without saying “hurry” to your kids Stop defending self Listen! (Mockers in piecing has a great poem about this)
PAMPERING Watch a funny movie Listen to audio tapes: suggested Jack Kornfiled/ Pema Chodron Listen to music Go see an IMAX movie (Coral Reef recommended) Buy Peppermint Foot Lotion Buy new underwear—men, lots of new types of underwear out there! Take a coffee or tea break Throw a party Paint a room Rearrange furniture
I promise you that it does get easier to deal with the separation and sharing the kids. I have meltdowns sometimes, but not like I used to.
As a matter of fact, something got to me tonight. I won't hog your thread with that. I know you keep up with mine, and you'll see it.
Yes, please take care of you! Because the kids need you. Also YOU need you. Oh, and WE need you too!
Thanks for the thread idea. I need to declutter so much, and your timing was absolutely perfect. What a simple, but great idea! If I could see you I'd hug you and kiss you!!! I'll have Mike's Toast to you tonight lady! After my 30 minutes, I earned it!
P.S. I've been bad with the Halloween Candy too. I took it to work and put it in the candy dish. A little more left, and it will be gone. The kids still have a small stash, but it is hidden away and out of my reach. Too much work for my lazy butt. LOL.
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
Exercise while you
Walk around the block and plan to
Take up a new sport: like
Kayaking while
Weight lifting then go
Jogging and plan to
Train for a marathon of
Soccer with
Biking players that
Target Shooting my
Karate teacher in blue
Tennis shoes to go
Skiing in
Snowboarding equipment with my
Scuba Boating the
Golf of
Swimming but not
Hiking the
Cross-country skiing of
Yoga
Ooops. Sorry. I could not resist...
{{{{{{Jackie}}}}}}
And I am all in favor of an unsupervised trip to the nearest Victoria's Secret
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
