Hoping WAW will someday see through the fog....

[tristan]

I am being inspired by this as well. I had a oil painting of two soccer players colliding under a rainy moonlit sky above the mantle when W and I got married. That was one of the first things replaced after she moved in. I think I will be putting it back up ;-) Thank you Greek.

[Greek]

GReek, you will love this.

Right on, Shell!

I will see W on Tuesday for the first time since she bolted Friday. She mentioned something about us all going out to dinner. Because I have the kids, I will do it if they want. If it was just me, the answer would be "love to, but i have have something going on."

Now let's think this through. She wants to have dinner with y'all while you have the children. When folks D, when one parent has the children, the other one misses the children. That's the fact, Jack! Both of you need to face this reality. Unless this is a special event for the children (birthday, lost a tooth, potty trained, driver's license), I suggest you think that through before you agree to this dinner. I think you have plans already with the kids. But thanks for asking W! One of the irons you have in the fire right now is to show your wife the reality of what she is pursuing.



What do you think?
Greek
PS - you're doing great!

[Greek]

I am being inspired by this as well. I had a oil painting of two soccer players colliding under a rainy moonlit sky above the mantle when W and I got married. That was one of the first things replaced after she moved in. I think I will be putting it back up ;-) Thank you Greek.

Hang that thing up and enjoy it!

Greek

[sandi2]

my s(10) is dealing with this in the way I expected very emotional and calling my W during the day and leaving long messages asking her to come back, in some cases pleading with ehr to come back.

m s(12) is a different story. He seems to be blaming me for the seperation. At every chance he says things like "why did you make her leave," why did you fight with her etc...

I'm sure a lot has to do with their personalities and their age difference. Two years can make a big difference in maturity. Another thing is how each son sees his mother. Also, the LBS often gets the "blame" for the S even if it's not their fault. The oldest son is wanting the situation fixed and I'm sure feels desparate about things. He is very angry and blames you b/c you are the one left in the home. If you had been the one to move out....he would have blamed his mom. I believe you have to allow him to be angry for a while. However, I would not lie to him about the truth in order to protect her. Beside, your son is old enough to be honest with him....just have to be careful how you tell him. If he knows his dad loves his mom and is doing all that can be done, then the son will eventually stop placing blame on you.

[shellshockedga]

Well, another intersting evening. S10 went to bed wrapped in one of Ws sweatshirt and S12 continuned to blame me for Ws departure.

Before bedtime S10 sat down with me and had a long talk about what was going on, what would happen to the boys if we got divorced, what woudl happen if he had a step dad, etc. I slowed him down and said look, D is a word we are not using in our family right now. The most important thing to know is that I love you, your mother loves you and so does everyone else in the family.

He cried himself to sleep - again. Heart breaking to watch. S12 went to sleep OK, but an interesting change has occured with him as well. Since W left he will not sleep in his bed. He sleeps right next to me. Last night I even changed beds in the house in the middle of the night and he got up and found me and curled up next to me. This is something he has never done in the past.

Of course both the boys talked to her last night on the phone and begged her to come home. As I have stated in previous posts, it is amazing how cold the WAW can be to that suggestion. I do hope that at some point her "fun" times end and she sees the folly in her ways. I realize that I can't be the one to show her the right path, I just pray that someone will walk into her life and help guide her back to reality.

In the mean time, I need to think of more house projects. The bathroom was probably the most fullfilling thing I have done in the past 4 months. I wish I could post a pic for ya'll to see :-)

Thursday will be interesting in that we have agreed (in writing) that each Thursday both parents will stay in the house together and we will have a family night. Then Friday I will depart for a week. Since I will be gone for work most of the time, it shouldnt be too bad. The mountains for the weekend and then Cali for 4 days. This is pretty normal for me so I dont expect to feel a tremendous amount of pain, BUT who knows. Last night I noticed on our family calendar that the next Thursday (again, both parents in the house overnight) we are scheduled to go to church together as a family for a night of music. I am going to pray that that God will invade her body. But I think the forces of evil are strong in her right now (wait - was that a paraphrase from Star wars???) I need to get a new shirt and a new pair of pants and make sure I look my best. I want to make sure that she sees a confident guy, well dressed guy on Thursday. No whining, crying etc.. This will be my weekly chance to show her the new me.

Lastly, as part of my GAL and as a major 180, I have decided to finally get baptised. I am not telling my W right now about this. Once a date is chosen, then I can decide. I certainly would like her to be a there, but, I also dont want her to be selfish and feel as though this is for her and thus spoil the event for me... Much to think about there... But a huge 180 for me. One that I am very, very excited about. Any thoughts on how to handle this are appreciated.

OK, back to reality - GAL, 180s, stay busy, work on me, and be there for the kids.............

[Coach]

Thursday will be interesting in that we have agreed (in writing) that each Thursday both parents will stay in the house together and we will have a family night.

I don't understand why you would agree to this.

-It's very confusing to the boys. This raises their expectations that you will reconcile, then you two split up again. Talk to a IC about this.

-You let your wife have all the benefits of being a family with none of the responsibilty and accountability.

She wanted space, give it to her.

I just pray that someone will walk into her life and help guide her back to reality.

Look in the mirror, you found your man. This nesting concept isn't reality.

[shellshockedga]

Coach, I certainly understand your concerns regarding the Thursday night agreement. I too have reservations about it, but am going to try and see how it goes. If it causes any confusion with the boys, then that will go away and we will move on to a more conventional (as far as that goes) transition.

The nesting concept is garbage long term, but for the moment it is what we are doing. I had to read your post several times before I realized what you were saying. That I am the person that needs to bring her back to reality. On Thursdays she will directly see the new me (attitude, clothes, looks etc..) During the week, I am limited in that capacity. I look at the week as my training time. I am a comeptitive swimmer, and just as i train for a big competition, I have now realized that this is my opportunity to train for the weekly big meet with her. After reading some of your old posts, today I went to the store and bought some new clothes. Ones that fit properly and look good on me. I am looking forward to wearing those on Thursday. Let her begin to see a new me. Next is changing my attitude. One of my freinds mentioned that she still can hear anger in my voice when I talk about the W. Thats ok with other people but I guess in truely detaching that should go away. I need to make sure that anger does not come across in any communications with her. Because I am fine, and am getting along just fine with out her. This first meeting will be awkward in that I really dont care to know what she has been up to. Perhaps the kids will provide a good gateway for conversation.

BTW, your suggestions about how to deal with my FB issues and her were spot on. I did a complete 180 and began posting some PMA. Within 4 minutes she responded. Something she normally would not do. As I have discussed at length with GIMA, I still have an issue with one of her divorced unemplyed male friends that seems to always respond to her posts within minutes of her posting. I realize that I should not let it bother me, and I wont show her that it does, but inside I cant stop the nagging feeling. I cant remove her as a friend, so these little posts are visable when I am on FB. I think this person does it just to be an a$$, but I have to better than that.

[Greek]

Aren't you too busy for FB? Just deactivate your account. It's not..."unfriending"....her or anyone. You just have too much going on to keep up with it...right!? That way, you don't have to deal with that nagging feeling from the unemployed divorced guy who has time on his hands. Not you - you have things to do! You are sooooo busy GAL. Deactivate.

When you see your wife - and you are looking so fine - make sure the vibe you send is that the polish is b/c you want to be polished - definitely NOT to make an impression on her. Graciously accept any compliments she sends your way, but avoid, "OH - I'm glad you noticed." More like, "Thanks" and move on b/c you hear that kind of thing all the time.

GAL, 180's are things you do b/c you want to be a better man. Not HER better man. YOUR own better man. Woman sense this, by the way. We know the diff.

Cheers ~~~
Greek

[Greek]

I am being inspired by this as well. I had a oil painting of two soccer players colliding under a rainy moonlit sky above the mantle when W and I got married. That was one of the first things replaced after she moved in. I think I will be putting it back up ;-) Thank you Greek.

It's not painted on velvet, is it? B/c I don't in any way want to be responsible for folks hanging velvet art back up!

!
Greek

[givingitmyall]

Maybe some dogs playing cards or a velvet elvis!